Galaxy's Unlikeliest Hero
by BountyHuntress16
Summary: Sequel to Galaxy's Oldest Profession. She survived Omega's Merc gangs. Now, former hooker Shepard strives to determine her place on the Normandy, in Garrus' life and in a galaxy that needs saving.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: And now it's sequel time! I'm really excited/flattered with all the feedback I got with Galaxy's Oldest Profession. I hope you like this follow-up story as well.

* * *

"Shepard, that is the Men's Room. It is currently occupied by Officer Vakarian." EDI's voice is clear enough to reach the Mess Hall. Which falls silent after EDI's admonishment. "The Women's Room is-"

"EDI. I know." Shepard says, sighing. "I'm going in to see Garrus."

"…My apologies. I did not realize you were intent on intercourse." The red light on the locked door flashes and turns green. It slides open, revealing Garrus bent over with laughter.

"Shut up," she tells him as the doors close behind her. His laughter dissipates when she grips the hem of her shirt and yanks it over her head. "And drop the towel."

Garrus complies with speed. He stalks over, pulling her to his bare chest. For a few long moments he fumbles with her bra clasp, muttering into her hair as he wrestles with it.

"Want me to do it?" She asks.

"No, I got it," he replies. Struggles with the contraption a little more before slashing the fabric with his claws. They both watch the garment fall to the floor.

"You owe me a new one," she tells him. "I really liked tha—fuck." He's stroking his blunted claws over her nipples. Sliding his tongue between her breasts,

"You were saying?" He chuckles and moves them into the shower stall.

"Shut up and fuck me."

"You make me want to salute you." Garrus twists the shower knobs and hot water pours over them.

Her eyes sweep down to his member. "I think you are."

He chokes on a laugh as he slides down her body and onto his knees. She gropes for the knobs to increase the water pressure and block the sounds out better. When he's going down on her, she can't keep quiet. Not one bit.

Shepard's head falls back as he suckles her clit, working her fingers into his fringe. He grumbles, hands wrapping around her thighs. Sliding up to cup her ass.

"Fuck," she gasps. "Fuck. I can't-"

Someone knocks on the door. "Garrus hurry up! All the bathrooms are taken!"

Garrus pulls away, murder in his eyes. She bets she's mirroring the expression. "In a minute, Donnelly!"

"How long does it take for you to shower?" Donnelly bangs on the door again.

Not willing to deal with this barely twenty-four hours after she almost lost Garrus, Shepard peels away her lover's hands and marches to the door. Hits the panel with her fist. The doors unlock and swish open.

"We'll be done when we're done," Shepard snarls. Donnelly makes a noise like he's choking. His eyes follow the water running down her naked body, transfixed. "Are we clear?" Shepard asks, leaning forward.

She hides a smirk as he jerks back, face scarlet. "We're clear! We're clear!"

"Good. Now stop staring at my tits."

"I wasn't-I didn't-" Donnelly throws a hand over his eyes and retreats to the elevator. Laughing, Shepard closes the doors.

"You're evil," says Garrus, shaking his head. He's got a towel clutched in front of him. "And now the mood is gone."

"Oh yeah?" She snatches the towel from him. His eyes widen when she eases onto her knees. "We'll see about that."

* * *

After that, Donnelly makes a habit of disappearing whenever Shepard is around. She doesn't need the stern lecture Miranda dishes out in the aftermath to feel bad about it.

It occurs to Shepard though, that alienating the crew is a poor idea. The only reason she's on the Normandy is Garrus. And life has a way of shaking things when you get complacent. He might get killed on one of Commander Williams' missions.

Or dump her. She's the one with alien inclinations and not much to offer besides a good right hook and a healthy sex drive. Someday, he might want someone closer to home.

Even off Omega, the rules she survived by still apply. Look out for yourself. If you find a good client, make yourself indispensable. Shepard does a little snooping to discover what the crew needs—better rations for Mess Sergeant Gardner, Serrice Ice Brandy for Doctor Chakwas, Fornax for Joker—and track them down. She's made a decent amount from her hooker days. Not a fortune though. She'll need a way to cut costs.

So when Ash (odd, calling her that instead of Commander Williams) visits the Citadel after Omega, Shepard tags along. Convinces her to visit the shops. The clerk at the first one is an Asari maiden with bright eyes and a radiant smile.

"Hello," Shepard greets with her most pleasant customer-service-voice. "Could I have a moment of your time?"

The Asari nods but keeps glancing at Ash. Trying to determine if the woman is who the clerk thinks she is. "Of course ma'am."

"I have a business proposition for you. If my friend, Commander Williams agrees."

"Shepard," Ash hisses through her teeth. "What are you doing?"

"C-commander Williams?" The Asari breathes, clutching her hands before her. Ash ducks her head, cheeks swelling with pink.

"The very same." Shepard leans in. Her dress is low enough to give the clerk a good eyeful. But her target is too busy beaming at Ash. "What if she gave your store an endorsement? Could she and her crew get a discount for that?"

Ash reaches forward, pulling Shepard back. "What are you-?"

The Asari squeals with delight. "Oh yes! I'd even let you use my own employee discount. Please, Commander?"

"I…" Ash falters at the clerks's wide, hopeful eyes. "Alright."

No other store clerk is as delighted as that Asari with Shepard's offer. But they all agree to the proposition. In a few hours, there are ten Citadel stores that, when entered, chime, "I'm Commander Williams and this is my favorite store on the Citadel."

* * *

Shepard's requisitions go over well. There's enough goodwill to balance out the Donnelly incident amongst the crew. Not a bad scheme she's pulled off.

Their next destination is Korlus. Shepard doesn't expect to go with the ground squad, being the most novice of the Commander's recruits. But she wants to prepare for future outings. The rest of the day is spent calibrating her guns and sparring with Jacob Taylor in the cargo hold.

The man is in impeccable shape. He shows Shepard his warm-up routine and she feels like a weakling, straining for that twentieth push-up when he's on number sixty.

She does better when they progress to hand-to-hand. Jacob's still a tough opponent though. He confesses that he did a lot of boxing in his Alliance days. Shepard studies the controlled way he does spars. His method isn't rigid—he has a fluidity in his movements—but there's a specific technique in how he does things. Shepard is more quick and dirty, unhesitating in the cheap shots when there's an opening for them.

He calls it quits when dinnertime comes. Shepard remains, working on her stretches. The solitude is comforting. She and Garrus have been bunking away from the crew in the Main Battery but privacy is still scarce. Maybe they'll have to come down here to get some serious fucking done.

Soon as she starts enjoying the quiet, the elevator opens to dash it all away. Miranda comes in, heels clicking against the floor. They're nice shoes. The kind Shepard would borrow if the two of them were friends.

"You've been hard at work," says Miranda by way of greeting. Shepard gets to her feet, wiping her brow with her white towel (emblazoned with the Cerberus logo in the corner, of course).

"I like to keep busy."

Miranda puts her hands on her hips. "I heard you bought new rations."

Shit, has she broken more protocol? This time it really was an accident. "Is that a problem?"

"Not at all." Miranda shakes her head. "But you don't have to pay out of pocket. We'll be glad to reimburse you."

"Don't worry about it." Shepard puts the towel round her neck. "Glad to help out."

"I've noticed. You've been productive."

"I have to be. I know I'm only here because of odd circumstances. Pass me that water?" Shepard motions to the crate near Miranda. The other woman hands over the water bottle atop it.

"We're aware of your talents, Shepard." There's that "we" again. Does it mean Miranda and Ash or Miranda and Cerberus?

"So'm I. But you wouldn't have brought me on if Garrus hadn't insisted." Shepard takes a long swig of water. "Now that I'm here, I'd rather stay on my own merits. Does that make sense?"

There's an odd smile on Miranda's face. Her lips press tight together as the corners of her mouth quirk up. "I understand that. Just don't overwork yourself. Relax a little."

"That's what I was doing when Donnelly interrupted."

The odd smile gets more strained. Not surprising from a Cerberus operative. "Good. I'll let you be."

They exchange nods and Miranda departs. That woman seems to know everything. Does she know about Shepard's former profession?

Probably, if Cerberus did their research on Zaeed. Well if she knows, Miranda doesn't seem to have any hang-ups about it. Only gets weird when the idea of interspecies romance comes up.

Cerberus' loss. If they really want to make things better for Humans, they should introduce the species to the Turian dick.

* * *

The cot in the Main Battery isn't made for two people. Shepard balances herself on Garrus' chest post-coitus, hips fitting against his.

"Maybe we should get you a cot of your own," says Garrus. He clamps his arms round her, locking her in.

"Ask the Commander tomorrow." Shepard rubs her foot over his leg. "Will it be some kind of safety hazard? We could bunk in the cargo hold."

He shrugs. "I don't mind sharing the one cot. As long as we're not in the crew quarters…"

"Oh God no, never the crew quarters." She shakes her head. "Then we'd never get to fuck."

Garrus laughs, the sound vibrating through their clasped bodies. "What? You don't want to stick to using the showers?"

"Last time we did that, Miranda gave me a speech about sexual harassment." She folds her elbows on his stomach, resting her chin on her forearms. "What we need is a big, real bed. With nice pillows. Bet the Commander's got one."

Garrus' eyes widen. "Spirits, Shepard. Ash would kill us."

"Joke," she smirks. Though it's a fun idea. She'll file it away in case Ash ever pisses her off.

"What about…a hotel?" He strokes her back. "I know a few on the Citadel. Or maybe if we go to Ilium…"

"I could do that. We've never done it on a real bed."

"…We haven't, have we?" His hands trail down her sides. "I should make a list of places we need to have sex in." He averts his gaze and mumbles, "Or on."

Shepard pulls herself up, bringing her lips to his ear. "Go on."

"Well ah…" His claws trace the curve of her waist. "You know. Night club bathrooms. C-SEC interrogations rooms. Antique stores, but only if they're classy."

"They don't need to be-" Shepard gasps as he shifts them around, sliding off the cot so he can pin her beneath him. She swallows. "…classy. I'm not exactly a lady."

"You're the classiest female I know," he replies, sliding his knee between her legs,

"Uh huh." Her eyebrows rise. "Bet you say that to all the girls."

"Wrong again Shepard." Garrus nips her shoulder. "Never romanced someone before. Just…ah…"

"Blew off steam?" She's been with one or two Turians, learned a few things. Their soldiers are encouraged to relieve each other when things get tense on the ships.

"…Yes." He clears his throat and his eyes flicker back and forth.

"Do you have a question?" She prompts.

"Were you ever romanced? By a non-client I mean." He hunches a little, worried he's offended her.

"Once or twice. They didn't last." She slips a hand from his loose grip to rub his scarred mandible. "Couldn't handle what I did at work while I was dating them."

"Humans?"

She nods. "Yeah. You never had that problem."

"Well…it was your job. And if anyone's profession was grounds for calling things off, it was mine."

"Proved that wrong. Anyway…" Shepard sits up to kiss him. "I think I want to try fucking just one person."

"Same," he returns the kiss best as Turian anatomy allows. Shepard becomes pliant under his touch as he presses her back down onto the cot.


	2. Chapter 2

Ash comes to the Main Battery early to brief Garrus on Korlus and Warlord Okeer. Despite their Citadel venture, there's still a hesitance between Shepard and the Commander. Ash doesn't seem to take to new people with ease. Probably a smart idea for someone in her position.

At least Ash seems relaxed around Garrus. After everything that happened on Omega…Shepard feels better knowing he has friends around if she's not there. Wanting to give them privacy, Shepard changes in the far corner and leaves them for breakfast and visiting Zaeed.

Yeoman Chambers invites her to share breakfast with her and Dr. Chakwas. Shepard declines, using Zaeed as her excuse. Chambers is some type of shrink and the doctor gave her a physical yesterday; scanning all the medi-gel traces without comment but with raised eyebrows. Between the two, she'd feel like she was getting dissected.

Zaeed's in a foul mood. Fouler than usual. And chomping at the bit to go after Vido. The Commander's already ordered him to have patience. "Says there are more pressing matters. I'm this close to getting that bastard-"

"She's probably right," says Shepard, holding up a hand when he scowls. "Vido'll always be skulking around. She's got time limits on a bunch of these recruitment missions."

"Lecturing me about self-restraint?" Zaeed rolls his good eye. "That's damn rich coming from you."

"You know I'm right." She takes his lack of reply as a victory. Ash and Miranda are smart people. She can trust their judgment on this. And when it does finally happen…well revenge is a messy business. Shepard'll be around to keep Zaeed alive.

Since Zaeed has nothing else to say, she journeys down to the cargo hold for some exercise. When she emerges, the squad has returned. Ash is overseeing the moving of a tank into the Port Cargo Area. A tank with a Krogan inside.

"The fuck?" Shepard blurts aloud.

Ash doesn't explain until the tank is situated to her exact specifications. "Warlord Okeer…died during the mission. This is his last creation before we lost him. A tank-bred Krogan." Ash lifts her chin. "I'll make a general announcement but I'll let you know now: I want everyone to keep clear of this room."

"Right, right," Shepard nods. They can make Krogans now? So much for the genophage. She hopes that when this guy hatches, it's a good one. She's had too many run-ins with the bad Krogans. "So…is he going to be our new squad member?"

"We'll see. It would be an asset." Ash smiles a little. "I fought with a Krogan against Saren. They're good to have at your back." She returns to directing the crewmembers about the tank . Before she leaves, Ash tells Shepard to get her gear ready. They're extracting a convict from Purgatory and Shepard's to be part of the ground squad.

* * *

Purgatory's supposed to be an easy mission. Shepard gets familiar with the way Ash directs things. Ash retrieves Jack out of cryo. Miranda sits back and makes observations. No big deal unless Jack gets out of hand.

No big deal until Warden Kuril decides that he wants to keep them in his custody. And that Commander Williams will go for a lot of money to the right buyer.

Good thing Shepard doesn't have a record anywhere but the Cerberus databases. She bets there are Merc gang remnants on Omega who'd love to buy and punish her. Maybe the Blue Suns attacking them now are from those days.

It's a helluva time dealing with the Blue Suns, Kuril's grunts AND all the prison mechs. Thank God they brought Miranda in case Jack needed biotic containment. Thank God too, that Ash is a fucking tank on the battlefield. Shepard does her part picking off the onslaught and using her omni-tool's capabilities to hack the mechs. While she's thanking everyone, better send some gratitude to Garrus and Zaeed for that.

When it's over, Jack—an extremely pissed-off biotic—is not ready to hop into the Cerberus shuttle. Or go anywhere with or near Miranda who's got the Cerberus insignia emblazoned on her uniform.

"We need you for a mission," says Ash. She's got one hand in the air as a display of surrender. The other is on her pistol. "I'm not Cerberus. I-"

"Right," Jack snarls. "You just have their goddamned symbol everywhere."

Ash hesitates. Ten minutes ago, she was fucking fearless with her gun firing against Kuril and his grunts. Now…well, it's probably tough, defending an organization she herself distrusts. No love lost between the Alliance and Cerberus.

And it's clear that Ash is Alliance down to the bone, no matter whose logo is on her ship.

Shepard steps forward, both hands raised. "Look. Me and her are just working with Cerberus because we got mutual goals."

"Yeah?" Jack's lips twist into a sneer. "Isn't that just so fucking nice for you."

"Whatever. Look." Shepard moves closer, hoping Jack doesn't blast her. "We're on a mission because Human colonists are disappearing. You come with us, you work for her. Commander Williams." Shepard jerks her thumb at Ash. "Not _fucking _Cerberus_."_

She can feel Miranda's indignant glare but keeps her focus on Jack. There's a change in the anger exuding from the convict. Her thick lips curve into a smile. "Alright. So what do I get?"

"Well we're getting you out of this shithole. That seems like a good trade-off."

Jack shakes her head. "No. I want access to Cerberus' files soon as I get on the ship."

"Deal," Shepard nods. The two women behind her speak at once.

"You're not authorized to allow that Shepard," says Miranda.

"Back up, Shepard." Ash's voice is back to its unwavering tone.

Jack smirks. "I don't think the Cerberus cheerleader's too happy."

"It happens," Shepard shrugs and hopes she hasn't gotten herself kicked off the ship.

* * *

What Shepard wants is to take a hot shower to slough off the grime from Purgatory. With Garrus washing her. Slowly. Instead, she's called into Miranda's office.

"Look," she says before Miranda can start. "I had to talk her down. Play into what she wanted."

"I understand that." Miranda stays standing so Shepard does too. "And you did…a fair job. But you trapped us into giving data to a dangerous girl who despises Cerberus."

"Kinda weird that you'd recruit such an anti-Cerberus squad member then."

Miranda steeples her hands on the back of her chair. "Jack is one of the most talented biotics of her generation. She'll be a great asset in handling the Collectors."

"She did seem powerful." Shepard would be the last to really know. She's pretty ignorant when it comes to Human biotics. "Anyway, I'm sure the really crucial stuff is encrypted. And EDI's there to stop her."

On cue, the AI's voice fills the office. "My firewalls will keep Jack from any highly classified information. I am dedicating a miniscule percentage of my processing power to keep her in check. It will not hurt overall efficiency."

"There." Shepard spreads her hands and lets them drop. "Everyone wins."

"We'll see." Miranda shakes her head. "You're not Cerberus but you are crew. In the future, you will respect the chain of command. Yes?"

"Yes," Shepard nods. It's probably a lie but she wants to play along. Miranda's with a questionable organization but…she's a decent person.

Garrus is waiting for her in the Main Battery. He pulls her tight to him, burrowing his face in her hair. Making a sound in the back of his throat between a growl and a groan.

"Easy." She rubs his arms. "I'm intact. A little bruised and tired but that's all."

"Sorry Shepard." He lifts his head. "First time I haven't had your back in combat. I feel like a fretting mother."

"Well we're pretty redundant skills-wise, so I think this will be the norm. And if you're my mother, we've got some issues to work through." This gets a laugh out of him.

"I only have one issue." He's still tense. Keeps touching her arms and hands as if to prove she's real. "How long should I let you recover before I show you my new moves?"

"New moves?" She lifts her eyebrows. "Been studying while I was gone?"

"Had to find something to do." Garrus shrugs, eyes averted. Fuck. This is the most downtime he's had since the short time after he took a rocket to the face. And that time she'd been around to distract him.

She knows that look in his eyes. Knows what he focused on when he couldn't distract himself with new vids.

"Come on. Let's take a shower." She grabs his hands. "I'm filthy."

"I don't mind you filthy." His mouth presses to her forehead. "…That didn't mean what it sounded like. I meant that you're still just as beautiful when you're dirty."

She shivers. Sucker that she is, Shepard believes the compliment. She stands there, letting him remove each piece of her armor, glancing at the new dents and old scratches.

"Thinking of repainting it soon," she says as he works. "Mind if I copy your blue?"

His hands still on her chestplate. "You want that? I mean…"

"It's a good color." Her hand brushes over his face markings. "Matches your war paint."

"Vakarian Blue," he replies, a catch in his voice. "That's what it's known as. On Palaven."

"Oh. Okay." She smiles to hide her own anxiety at how tense he's become. It sounds like she's stepping close to some Turian practice. Something more than either's ready for. "You can keep undressing me."

"Glad to." He returns to the armor, accepting the subject change. Maybe even grateful for it.

The sex is fine. It's always fine. But it's not their best. He's distracted as he touches her, moving his fingers down her body and between her legs. They've had exhausted sex before, between skirmishes with the Mercs on Omega.

But she feels heavy. Not even her accomplishments during the mission can buoy her. Her instincts from years of dissatisfying sex and his Turian endurance save them. The orgasm is a relief, breaking the leaden weight inside her.

They huddle on the cot after, dozing in the afterglow. Shepard should wake up. Make sure he falls asleep instead of staying awake and brooding. But he's so warm and she's so tired. She falls asleep, tucked against his chest.


	3. Chapter 3

The clock tells Shepard it's morning when she wakes up. She's alone in the cot, blanket tucked in around her and up to her chin. It's like being trapped in an oven.

Garrus is already at the console working on his firing algorithms. Ash is with him, speaking in low tones and sipping coffee from a white mug. The smell wafts over and curls in Shepard's stomach, making it growl with hunger. She never did eat after Purgatory.

Shepard dresses in the corner, putting on the Cerberus-issue civvies before going to them and their murmured conversation. Ash offers a good morning and a wan smile. Garrus rubs a hand over Shepard's hip.

"Going to stay for breakfast?" He asks.

Shepard shakes her head. It's clear that Ash is most comfortable around Garrus (and Joker and Chakwas). Shepard would be a third wheel. "On my way to a shower and then downstairs. I'll come back later if you can tear yourself away from calibrations."

"No promises." His hand slides up to her waist. "But I'll do my best to get away from this console."

"Great." She turns to Ash. "Any upcoming missions?"

"Soon," Ash nods. "They're locating the next round of recruits."

"Right." Shepard nods back. "Let me know. I'm ready to get out there."

"I will. Dismi-I mean, have a good morning."

Shepard throws a sloppy salute and leaves. Joker's made the trek to the Mess Hall today. He waves, grinning at the towel in her hands. "Should I message Donnelly? Tell him to stay far, far away from the 2nd Floor Men's Room?"

"I'll leave the Men's Room alone." She smirks. "For now."

Shepard takes her time in the shower. Cerberus provides constant hot water, a plus when the ship is so damn chilly. Omega had always been a comfortable temperature and, excepting the occasional system malfunction, had never been too hot or cold.

That's the upside to the rigorous exercise routine Jacob proscribed: it keeps her warm. She has a short workout planned for today, not wanting to leave Garrus alone too long. It's probably an overreaction on her part but there's new worry that he'll return to that hollow shell he was after Sidonis' betrayal.

Garrus is strong. But losing so many in one go makes a wound that takes years to heal. Even her own losses, old and scabbed over, can feel new and raw with the right trigger.

* * *

When Shepard gets to the Engineering Deck to check on Zaeed, he's standing before the Port Cargo Area with Jack. Both are armed.

"What's going on?" She demands, putting a hand to the pistol at her hip.

"The Krogan's about to be released," says Zaeed. He's focusing on the pulse of blue light humming around Jack. "She'd be better off spacing the damned thing."

"Yeah, I don't think she's too big on spacing."

"That's right," Jack scoffs. "Isn't that how she kicked the bucket the first time?"

Shepard pushes past them, entering the room. The sensors on the tank are beeping, demanding its occupant be released.

"Get back." Ash's voice fills the chamber as Shepard steps inside. The Commander is fully armored. "He'll be on edge when he's released."

"I can handle a Krogan," Shepard replies. "Let me stay and back you up."

Ash frowns but nods and turns back to the tank. Squares her shoulders. "EDI, release him."

"Yes Commander." There's a hiss of steam and machinery as the tank opens. The Krogan stumbles out, coughing and sputtering on the tank fluid. And then he charges in a blur, trapping Shepard by the throat against the wall.

Ash raises her gun. Shepard takes as deep a breath as she can with his forearm against her windpipe. Meets his gaze. "Give me your name," she demands. As if he's not about to kill her. The order throws him and he has to sift through the last messages his creator imprinted on him.

"Grunt," he says at last.

"Not Okeer Number Two?" Goddamn he's putting a lot of pressure on her throat. She wishes she had armor on.

"That name means nothing." He leans forward. "Okeer's voice remains in my head but his imprint has failed. His cause means little to me. I will fight for you, if you and your enemies are both worthy."

"Our enemies are worthy," Ash says, training her shotgun on the back of Grunt's head. "Let her go and I'll let you have a shot at them."

He glances down, noticing the pistol Shepard's got pointed at his stomach. He laughs, releasing her. "If you had shot, I would have killed you."

"If you had tried to kill me, we would have both shot you. Though either of us is fine taking you on solo." Shepard holsters her gun, a sign to a Krogan that she isn't afraid. She motions that Ash do the same. "Especially her."

"Thank you Shepard." Ash steps up to Grunt, shoulders back. Dominant posture. "My ship, the Normandy, is on its way to take on powerful enemies. You will make it stronger."

That's…actually the best thing Ash could have said to the Krogan. Shepard's a little impressed.

"That is…acceptable. I will fight for you." Grunt's eyes sidle over to Shepard. "And if I find a clan of my own, I will gladly pit them against yours."

"Then welcome aboard," says Ash. Grunt nods, eyes still locked on Shepard. Shepard grins back.

* * *

Horizon is hell.

Grunt is settling in the Port Cargo Area. The crew's been warned to keep away. Which is fine by Grunt—he drives off anyone who steps into the room that isn't Shepard or Williams. Shepard is occupying Garrus with a few rounds of poker.

Then the call comes. The recruits are on alert. Both Garrus and Shepard are summoned, along with Jack and Zaeed. Jacob, Miranda, Mordin and Kasumi are all to be ready in case back-up is needed.

Shepard hasn't been nervous before about the Commander's missions. Fighting Mercs and soldiers is easy for her now. But Ash making all these extra arrangements is discomforting.

It becomes clear why. She's heard about the Reapers, about the spires and the Husks. But none of that prepared her for seeing them. Fighting them. To take down a monster, inspect that monster and then realize it's made up of those Husks. Some sick fuck of a Collector made a monster out of those things.

The bastards are in the Terminus Systems. In her fucking home. And they're taking her fucking fellow Humans and making them into monsters. She has to tamp down the rage, revulsion and terror. She had to keep her aim steady and not throw up.

They make it to a garage where a mechanic is hiding. None of them look as freaked out as Shepard feels. Garrus and Ash have seen this shit before but Jack and Zaeed…they're cool and professional even without prior experience.

Ash confers with the colonist and the man mentions a Kaidan Alenko. The name sends a ripple through the group. Garrus and Ash exchange furtive glances.

There's no time to ask questions. They have to move on, to face more Husks and Collectors. And watch various Collectors get possessed by their ringleader, Harbinger. He likes to focus on Williams, taunting her every time someone on the squad takes a hit.

Shepard relishes attacking the asshole, taking down each Collector he commandeers so he will just shut the fuck up. A few times, she swears he looks right at her. Senses her fear.

And then the bastard sends another enemy that looks like an aircraft but no, it's another fucking monster made of Husks. Zaeed takes a nasty hit from its blue particle beam and Shepard holds her breath till he gets up again and opens fire.

When the thing and the rest of the monsters are gone, the relief is overwhelming. She and Garrus, stationed at opposite ends of the quad, race to Ash. With the battle over, the Commander lets herself slump.

"They got him, didn't they?" Ash asks Garrus. Her hands curl into fists. "If we had come sooner…"

"What-ifs will haunt you, Ash," says Garrus, voice soft. "You did everything you could."

"I have to be better than that." Ash's fists shake. "A Williams has to be"

Garrus doesn't have a reply. Neither does Shepard, if Ash wants to ask her. Because she knows that you can't save every person and you're damned lucky if you can save even one.

* * *

Some higher power decides that the squad needs a break. Not all the colonists were taken. Ash's final push ensured that a handful survived. Among them is Kaidan Alenko. He's a handsome man and the relief on Ash's face is damn beautiful.

"I thought you were…" Alenko murmurs, lifting his hand. He jerks it back before it makes contact though Ash has already started to lean towards him. "I'd heard you were alive and working for Cerberus. I didn't believe it. I couldn't."

"It's a complicated story." Ash steps forward, extending a hand. It's clear on her face that she's crazy for this guy. It pisses Shepard off, for the Commander's sake, when he takes a step back.

"I can't believe this. You're working for Cerberus. After everything you know about them."

Ash's expression crumbles a moment before she can catch it, schooling it into a stern mask. "I'm not _with _Cerberus. We have a mutual goal: stopping the Collectors from targeting these colonies."

Alenko won't hear it. "I'm…disappointed Ash."

Well Shepard won't hear it either. She's exhausted and pissed and this guy in ungrateful that Ash just saved his ass? Fuck no. "Excuse me?"

Startled, Alenko stares at her. As if the world had stopped existing besides him and Ash when they started talking. "What?"

"She just saved your fucking life!" Shepard steps over, shrugging off Garrus' hand when he tries to draw her back. "And she just explained things to you and this is how you react?"

"Shepard." Ash snaps her gaze to the other woman. "It's fine-"

"It's _not_ fine." Shepard pulls back her fist. She can see Jack smirking in her periphery, hands faint with blue energy. The biotic will cheer on what she's about to do. "This is bullshit."

Ash grabs her wrist and yanks her back, making Shepard meet her gaze. "Stand down, Shepard."

Alenko's retreated a few more steps. "I am grateful Ash. I am. But I can't trust Cerberus. And neither should you."

"I don't…" Ash murmurs. The other survivors are calling to Alenko. He sighs and goes to them rather than resolving the conversation or even saying goodbye.

"…Come on." Shepard sighs. "Let's get back to the Normandy."

"Right." Ash turns to the other squadmates, not looking at Shepard. Motions towards the waiting shuttle. "Move out."

* * *

A/N: People who read this on the kink meme may remember I was going to cut out the Grunt scene. I ended up just changing it around because it has some bearing in later plot developments.

Thank you guys for all your kind feedback!


	4. Chapter 4

Ash keeps busy after Horizon and everyone hurries to keep up with her. Shepard's glad for the rush: she's not sure if she should apologize to Ash for going off on Alenko. Between training, sleep (peppered with nightmares of Husks) and getting ready for missions, there's no time even if she was going to.

There's two new recruits on Illium—an assassin and an Asari Justicar. Ash takes Shepard and Kasumi out for the first foray, so Shepard hopes that's a sign the Commander isn't too pissed at her. Or that her aim is good enough to overlook what transpired.

The squad is directed to an information broker for intel. The broker is a pretty Asari Maiden with indigo freckles across her cheeks who, when they enter the room, is threatening to flay a contact alive. With her mind.

The call cuts out and the broker turns, eyes widening. She rushes towards Ash. Shepard reaches for her gun.

"Ash!" The Asari breathes, catching the Commander's hands. "It's so good to see you. My sources said you were alive but I…"

Now that Shepard's not about to shoot, she can recognize the expression on the Asari's face. It's identical to the one Ash wore when Kaidan Alenko first appeared, alive and intact.

"Liara." Ash smiles and embraces her friend. Shepard's never seen Ash this relaxed. "I'm really glad to see you."

"Please, sit." Liara gestures to the single chair in front of her desk, with apologetic smiles to the other two. Shepard decides that between the death threats and the rapport with Ash, she likes this Liara.

Introductions are made and information is passed about their targets. It's a quick visit; time's a factor with both the would-be recruits. When they leave, Shepard stays behind for a moment.

"Hey," she says. "When we finish all this business, we'll probably have another night here to restock and recharge. I thought I'd take the Commander out for some drinks." It would give Ash a little rest time and serve as an apology without Shepard having to say the words. "I bet she'd love if you were there."

Liara nods, lips curling upwards. "I would enjoy that. Please send me a message with the details."

"I will," Shepard promises. The Commander needs some smiles after Horizon. She hopes Liara will do the job.

* * *

The squad brings Thane to the Normandy. There's a window of downtime before Ash goes to retrieve the Justicar with Garrus and Miranda. Garrus is prepping his guns in case things go sour. Like they usually do.

He's quiet. They haven't talked much in the last couple of days. Some moments, she feels intimate with him. Terrifyingly intimate. Like when she's woken up from a shitty Husk nightmare and he's there, nuzzling her back to sleep. And if he's up before her the next morning, he's tucked the covers in to keep her warm.

The next moment, there's a galaxy between them and Shepard can only hope she's crossing space the right way.

"After this, I'm taking Ash for drinks." Shepard tells him as she goes through her crate of shoes and casual wear. "You should come. I invited her friend Liara."

"Liara's on Illium?" Garrus looks up from his assault rifle. "I didn't realize it was squad reunion week."

"How many are left to see?" Asking personal questions shouldn't feel so damn scary. Something's come over them—her—since they boarded the Normandy.

"Three-no…two." Garrus sighs and sets down the gun. "Would have been three but…we lost Jenkins on Virmire."

"Sorry," she says.

"It's alright." He sighs again. "So…drinks after the mission?"

Shepard nods and changes into her casual wear. She and Kasumi are going to walk around Nos Astra while the others work. Garrus focuses on his rifle until Shepard steps in front of him.

"…Shepard," he groans. "You saved those boots."

"Bought new ones on the Citadel." With a wink, she puts her hands on her hips. She might be awful at other areas of it, but she's got the seduction part of their relationship down cold. "These go up higher."

"Yes." He swallows and trails a hand over the long black boots. "Is your dress…shorter than usual?"

"Just a touch. This'll give you motivation to get to the club faster."

"That isn't motivation. That's torture." Garrus strokes the small patch of skin between dress and boot. "You expect me to go into battle knowing you're waiting for me? Like this?"

Shepard puts one foot beside him on the crate he's perched on. Leans in. "Maybe I should give you a taste. To hold you over."

Garrus snatches her up, hauling her to the cot. His hands scramble to yank her dress up. "Damnit, when did you start wearing underwear?"

"We're respectable now," she laughs. "Got a problem with that?"

He tears the undergarment in two, yanking her ankles onto his shoulders. "Respectable my-"

"Garrus," EDI's voice breaks through. "Commander Williams expects you in the shuttle in three minutes."

He shuts his eyes and groans. "Thank you EDI."

"You are welcome. I apologize for interrupting but we are on a timetable."

"Thank you," he repeats. Turns back to Shepard. "Find us a hotel room. I'll pay you back half of whatever it costs. Wear those boots to the club."

Shepard's half-gone with his voice low and rumbling, his eyes glazed with lust. She lifts her legs off his shoulders to sit up and drag her tongue over his mandible. "Deal."

He shivers. "I might miss my shots if I'm this distracted."

"You don't believe that." Shepard gives his shoulder a shove.

Garrus chuckles. "You're right. I know I'm the best shot on the Normandy."

"For now."

"Just try to keep up Shepard."

She lifts her chin. "Oh I will."

* * *

The club is loud and colorful but with the type of class that means expensive drinks. Miranda opens a tab for the crew on shore leave, ordering them not to overdo it. Shepard has a feeling they'll obey.

Shepard, Liara, Ash and Garrus snag a table in the corner. The three old friends revisit the past while Shepard listens. There's little room for her in the conversation. Her only contribution is to egg Ash into trying a different drink whenever her glass is empty.

For herself, she nurses a single soda and scotch in a short glass. She loves getting drinks out but can't shake the wariness over having too many in public. It was too risky on Omega, to get caught going home drunk. Some habits never leave you.

"Wish Tali had come along…" Ash leans on Liara, gripping the stem of her martini glass. Three cocktails relaxed the Commander into rubber. The fourth is making her talk and talk and talk. "Asked her. But she didn't wanna."

"You saw Tali?" Garrus slaps his hands on the table, eyes wide. Shepard and Liara jump at the force of it. "You never mentioned that."

"Sorry." Ash drains her glass of the pink concoction inside. "Shepard, gimme 'nuther drink."

"Sure, sure." Shepard signals over the Salarian waiter. She's getting good at following orders.

"Was she okay?" Garrus asks. There's something about his intent posture that bothers Shepard. Which is stupid because…because a lot of reasons.

"Yeah, sorta." Ash braces herself on the table and it wobbles beneath her heavy armor. "Didn't tell ya because…we got busy. Saving you 'n Shep 'n Jack…and then that bastard…"

"Give her a water and another of those pink martinis." Shepard tells the waiter. "You mean Kaidan?"

"Yess!" Ash slams her fist against the table and the drinks slosh out of their glasses. "That….that bastard. Wouldn't listen. After all I did for 'em."

"Ash…" Liara touches her friend's arm, her other hand rubbing the Commander's back.

"Jenkins died for 'em." Ash presses the heel of her hand against her forehead. "Cause of me."

"What? No." Liara's hand moves from Ash's arm to her hair, petting it. "He volunteered to stay behind with that bomb. He wouldn't hear of anyone else doing it."

"And I let 'em." Ash shudders. "Damnit."

"No one blames you," Liara murmurs. Garrus puts a hand on Ash's shoulder, nodding in agreement. Shepard is very, very sorry that she thought alcohol would help the Commander.

"Just refused to trust me. Bastard." Ash jerks up, pointing at Shepard. "And you stepped in before I could tell him…Damnit. Should brig ya for the shit you pull. But the crew. You're…good with them."

"I'm not that good." Shepard shakes her head. "Remember? Donnelly?"

"Still. They trust you. Not me." Ash slumps again. "Fine. I don't trust Cereberuss either."

No one's sure what to say or do. The heavy pulse of the club music plays through the silence till Garrus says, "Ash, I think it's time one of us took you back to the ship."

"I'll do it." Liara helps the Commander to her feet, letting the woman lean on her. "I'll make sure she gets plenty of fluids before she passes out."

"You're sure?"

"Absolutely." Liara smiles like Ash isn't drunk and swearing against her. "You two stay and enjoy yourselves."

They're gone soon enough. At least Shepard's hesitant matchmaking scheme worked out. Maybe. Hard to move on when you're wrapped up in an old flame.

"So…yeah. Screwed that one up." Shepard swallows the rest of her drink and follows it with the water brought for Ash. "Now what do we do?"

Garrus finishes his dextro cocktail. "Hm. You know, I saw you at Afterlife a few times. But I never saw you dance."

"Huh. Want another drink?"

"I want to dance." He grabs her hand, getting to his feet. Shepard digs her heels in before he can tug her to the floor.

"Then you dance. I want to drink."

"…Shepard, can you dance?"

Fucking bullseye. Well she's not above playing dirty. As Jacob discovered the last time they'd sparred. If she's got to kick a few groins to win, she'll do it.

"Didn't you say you wanted to fuck in a club bathroom?"

"I knew it-wait, what?"

"Well?" She turns around and takes three long strides towards the restrooms. Stretching her long, booted legs with each step.

He's right behind her.

There's one other occupant in the Men's Room. Another Turian with a look of outrage at the interspecies couple that waltzes in. Shepard shoves him out of the facility, locks the door and pushes Garrus into a stall.

"He might report us," Garrus laughs.

"Let him." She undoes the latches of his armor. "We're traveling with a Spectre. That oughta get us some perks."

He hikes up her dress, grinning at her lack of panties. Once she's got his codpiece off and his cock exposed, Garrus presses her to the stall. After he left earlier, she'd resisted the urge to masturbate the tension away. His fingers slip inside her and the sensation is worth the denial as he rubs her. Shepard swears, palms going flat against the wall.

"Suck me," she demands in a whisper. He obliges, pinning her hips to the wall as he shifts to one knee. His tongue is rough against her, teasing her. Her knees are losing strength and she's ready to fall over the edge.

He stops.

"Damnit," she hisses. "Why are you stopping?"

Without reply, he slips a hand around his cock and thrusts it into her. His aim is still damn perfect and the fit is so damn good. She swears as he moves in her, pushing her to the climax he built her to with his tongue.

She hooks a leg around his waist for support, groaning as the stall rattles against her spine. Her hands tug at his fringe until he pins her wrists next to her head, keeping her flat against the wall.

"You play dirty," he growls in her ear. His teeth ghost along her earlobe as he punctuates his words with that last needed thrust.

Shepard lets the climax settle all the way to her toes before she grins. "You knew that about me."

He covers her mouth with hers, stopping any further words. His hips move fast and strong against her. Unstopping. She's writhing and gasping as she comes again and he keeps at it. His hands move to clasp her thighs and the top of her boots. When she swears at him, he kisses her again, tongue sliding over hers.

The last orgasm elicits a pathetic, mewling sound from her and still he goes another minute before he releases.

"You…fucking bastard," she groans, falling limp against him. Her heartbeat and her breathing are too erratic for her to catch. She just lets them happen.

"I play dirty too, Shepard," he chuckles.

* * *

The hotel room is dim and quiet. There's an enormous bed with two chocolates on the pillows—one dextro, one levo. Shepard bypasses it for the shower.

Garrus is sprawled on the bed when she emerges in the hotel-provided white bathrobe. She steps over to him, keeping her voice soft. "You awake?"

"Yeah," he replies, eyes staying closed. "This bed feels so good."

Shepard gets in beside him. The pillow is cool against her neck and cheek. It's a firm mattress but the blankets are soft and seem to swallow her, conforming to her body. "Oh God…yes it is."

"Told you." He yawns, arching his back in a long stretch before settling down. "Just give me a few minutes. Then I'll show you some more tricks."

She snorts, closing her eyes. "Yeah, okay. What else could you have to show me?"

"Is that a challenge?" His hand finds hers and the contact makes her heart skitter around in her chest. It's screwed up, how she can go from all her doubts to feeling like a lovesick teen. Just because he holds her hand.

"What if it is?"

"Then I say…five more minutes." His thumb slides over her knuckles. There were things she meant to bring up after the club. But it's tough to form words with the fatigue catching up.

"Hey…" She murmurs. "You think Ash was right? That the crew trusts me more? Hell, I didn't mean to step on her toes. It just…happens."

"Maybe." He turns his head to face her. "You've been busy with them."

"Not just them."

"A lot." He presses his forehead against her temple. "You need to sleep sometime you know."

She lifts an eyebrow. "You don't let me sleep."

"That's because I'm irresistible. But still…" He slips his arm under her head and runs his claws through her hair. It feels really, really nice. "It's good they like you. But no one will kick you out if you take a day off."

Ouch. Bullseye. Was she really that transparent?

"Besides," he nuzzles her shoulder. "They'll start thinking Shepard is soft if you keep it up. Can't have that."

"I'll show you soft." She gives his arm a tired whack. "After your nap."

"Like you're not tired." He laughs and the sound is more breath than voice. "Of course we get a hotel room and we're too tired to do nasty things in it."

"Always got the morning." Besides, the session in the club bathroom was enough. He's starting to get as good at her at this.

They both doze off. As Shepard lets the sound of his even breathing lull her to sleep, she remembers she never asked about Tali.


	5. Chapter 5

Garrus and Shepard return to the Normandy the next morning. They're both groggy but lucid enough to agree on taking a shower together. The combination of water and Garrus' hands perk her up more than coffee would.

Ash and Liara have a table to themselves in the Mess Hall when they return, the two poking at bowls of fortified porridge with dried fruit and condensed milk. Liara beckons them to their table. Shepard's relieved to see that Ash doesn't seem to be suffering a terrible hangover.

"She wouldn't let me fall asleep till I'd chugged a bottle of electrolytes," says Ash, taking a nibble of her breakfast. Her hair is out of its characteristic bun for the first time. Instead, it's coiled into intricate french braids. The kind you need a second person to do.

"We can't have Commander Williams having a hangover," Liara says. "I stayed on the couch in case she got sick."

"Yup, can't have that." Shepard folds her hands and looks down at them.

Liara clears her throat. "Garrus, why don't we get some breakfast for you and Shepard?"

"Uh…right." Garrus nods, patting Shepard's shoulder. "We'll be right back."

Shepard watches them go, shaking her head. "Well…that was subtle." She sighs and looks at the other woman. "But…hell, I do owe you an apology."

"Yes, you do." Ash pushes her bowl of food away. "At least you seem to have good intentions. I'm not going to brig you like I would if you were am Alliance soldier."

"Thanks for that." Shepard drums her fingers on the tabletop. "So yeah. Sorry. I figured taking you drinking would make things…better I guess."

"That part at least is as much as my fault," Ash nods. "I should've stopped after two. You didn't make me get drunk."

"Just facilitated it." Shepard sighs. "So are we good?"

Ash frowns. Is there something else she suspects an apology for? Well Shepard doesn't regret going off on Alenko. And she's already told Miranda that she won't surpass the chain of command like she did with the Jack situation. Everything else she's done on this ship has been to better the Normandy.

"Just…don't be so hasty all the time. I appreciate any input given to me but at the end of the day, I'm the Commader. I'll handle things in my way."

"That's fair. Alright." It is fair. Ash is the Commander. So why does it leave Shepard feeling unsettled?

The other two return and Shepard cleans her bowl. Compared to the protein blocks that made up most of her life's diet, the thick porridge is divine. Liara doesn't stay long after; the Normandy will depart soon and she has work to do.

Liara says her goodbyes to Shepard and Garrus. Ash offers to escort her to the airlock and the two depart, chattering away. Leaning into each other.

"Must be nice, seeing old friends," she says to Garrus.

"It is." He picks up their dishes. "I think you made Liara's week, inviting her along."

"I live to please." Shepard spreads her hands wide and lets them fall. "Think that Ash…?"

"Hard to say. She and Alenko had something…intense." Garrus shrugs. "Just shows that there's no such thing as a sure thing."

"Maybe." She'd like to believe in the two. In anything, really, when everything seems so damn shaky. Even if the universe had a way of wrecking things just when she got complacent.

* * *

The thing Shepard misses about her old job is that she didn't have to think about what she was doing. As long as she got the condom on and knew how to escape a bad situation, she could let her body do the rest of the work. Hard to offend someone when you're letting them fuck you.

Shepard was never very good at remembering consequences. She can't count the number of times it's gotten her in deep shit this year alone. Still, she promised the Commander. So she strives to lay low and not stick her nose in the crew's business. It shouldn't be hard, with Ash keeping the lot busy with a journey to Haestrom to extract the mysterious Tali.

When Ash, Samara and Garrus depart to rescue the new recruit, Shepard resolves to stay down in the Cargo Hold and work on matching Jacob's push-up record (unlikely). Miranda catches her in the Mess Hall and calls her into her office.

Kasumi is already in there, thumbing through one of Miranda's files. The XO plucks it from the other woman's hands and tucks it beneath a stack of papers. "This was in a locked drawer."

"Miranda, you are aware of my profession." Kasumi chuckles. Shepard snorts at the unamused expression on Miranda's face. The two abandon further banter to brief Shepard: Kasumi needs to infiltrate an arms dealer's party to retrieve a graybox stolen from her late partner.

"Given your history," says Kasumi. "I thought you would be best for Phase One of the job. The Commander has already agreed to my plan."

"Uh-huh." Shepard folds her arms and shoots a look at Miranda. "What about my history?"

"I've disclosed nothing, Shepard," says Miranda, sounding offended.

"Funny, how everyone seems to forget my particular talents," says Kasumi. Right. The woman is a master thief. Shouldn't be too hard for her to find dossiers on the squad mates. "I do know a few of yours, Shepard. I need someone who can schmooze around in high heels and infiltrate his security system. Once that's done, Commander Williams and I can handle the rest."

"…Alright," Shepard agrees. She does like Kasumi. It's just that non-Omega Humans knowing her background makes her wary. At least this breach of her taking something on is Commander-approved.

Later, though, she skirts the line. Jacob's distracted when they spar in the Cargo Hold and she gets in a couple solid punches before asking about it. He confides that he's received a signal from his father's long-missing ship. She finds herself promising to bring it to Miranda's attention. Nothing more. Let Ash handle everything else.

She makes the same promise to Zaeed when she visits the fourth floor. Grunt is with him, devouring Zaeed's stories of his Merc days. Plenty of them are exaggerated but Grunt looks so intent, she won't burst his bubble. The young Krogan keeps looking over at Shepard during the exciting bits, gauging her reactions. She smiles at the punch lines and Grunt seems encouraged to laugh.

Jack's there too, pretending not to listen. The fourth floor residents all know not to comment on her "socializing" when she gives these appearances. After Zaeed makes his case for needing to after Vido soon, Jack speaks up. Tells her to let "the cheerleader" know that she wants to plant a bomb in an abandoned research facility.

"Fine, I'll pass on the messages." Shepard sighs. "For any other updates, go to Ash." She blames Garrus for all this. Before him, she was really good at not giving a damn about other people.

Speaking of Garrus, was he going to come forward with loose ends to be tied up? There's still plenty of his past she doesn't know, including what his connection was to this Tali. She has an idea of who his loose end will be though, if the damned traitor's ever found. Maybe he's been searching for Sidonis on the extranet all this time on that visor of his.

If Garrus is, she wishes he would confide in her about it.

* * *

"And that's about it." Shepard slumps into the chair opposite Miranda. "Pass them on for me. Don't even mention I was the go-between."

"Don't be so embarrassed, Shepard. You have a natural charisma," says Miranda. Shepard has no idea how to respond to that. "I envy you that."

"…You envy me?" Shepard lifts her eyebrows. "Miranda, you know you're perfect, right?"

The other woman sighs. "Yes, I'm aware. My father had me created to be just that. Perfect."

"Wait. You mean like a test tube baby?"

"Just so." Miranda skims a hand through her crest of black hair. No split ends or hints of gray in it. "Using his genes as a template, he molded me. Perfect brain, perfect body, perfect biotic abilities. As soon as I could, I escaped for Cerberus."

That explains her loyalty to the Illusive Man's cause. "You didn't seem like the usual Cerberus recruit."

Miranda scoffs. "To be fair, you don't seem like…what I'd expect from one of your previous career."

"Hooker," Shepard corrects. "And touché. Though you gotta understand, it's the best paying gig on Omega. Next to being a Merc."

"So you had little choice?"

"No, I had a choice. I thought I'd be good at it. And I was. It wasn't as fulfilling as all this." Shepard waves, indicating the Normandy. "But there were good clients with the bad. And at the end of the night I went home and left work behind me."

Miranda considers this before nodding. Shepard thinks she's made the other woman understand. Then,

"We have Cerberus recruiters on Omega. Didn't you ever consider going with them?"

"No," Shepard shakes her head. "Growing up, I ran with alien kids. Cerberus' ideals didn't attract me."

"We're not anti-alien, Shepard." Miranda sounds tired, like she's recited this speech before. "We're simply ensuring that Humanity has a place in the Galaxy. The more we can advance our people, the better."

"I'm all for helping Humanity." Shepard raises her hands, palms facing out "But those Cerberus people on Omega? Pretty damn nasty to my alien friends. Acted like they were infecting me. And I've gotten some scrutiny here for fucking Garrus."

Miranda flinches. "I admit…some of our members take our credo too far. But I certainly don't. Though…I can't say I would get involved with an alien. It would be hard to have a future. There'd be no children."

"I don't want kids. And if I change my mind, there are plenty of orphans who need adopting." The idea of kids panics her but she's got a point to prove. "Garrus is the best male I know. I'd love him even if he were a Vorcha."

The sentiment breaks through and Miranda's expression softens. "He is a good person, I agree. And you seem to know what you're doing."

"I do," Shepard nods. Her doubts, she'll keep to herself. Especially the new one that Miranda, damn her, has put there. Shepard will never give Garrus a family. Even if they could adopt…it's not what she wants.

But maybe it's something Garrus wants. Shepard has no fucking clue.

In the lull of silence between them, EDI announces that the shuttle has arrived. Both women get to their feet.

"Good talk," says Shepard. "Are you going to debrief them?"

"Yes, if Jacob hasn't already. I'll let Garrus know you're waiting for him," Miranda promises. "And pass on the squad requests you've brought. I suspect we'll be tying up a lot of loose ends before we face the Collectors."

"Probably," Shepard agrees. "Lucky for you, you've recruited the only two people in my life."

"And Garrus?"

Sidonis flashes in her mind. "I'll let you know."


	6. Chapter 6

The mysterious Tali, Ash and Garrus go to the bar in Port Observation to catch up. Shepard paces in the Main Battery for a while before declaring herself a jackass. So what if Garrus is invested in this Tali? He's invested in Ash but that's never made Shepard nervous.

Though Tali is a Quarian. Not as close to home for Garrus as another Turian but still Dextro. And Shepard's seen "Fleet and Flotilla." Garrus owns a Special Edition of the vid.

Fuck.

Shepard decides that if she's going to be nervous, she should at least get a look at the one's she nervous about. And during that, berate herself for being so damn jealous over what's probably nothing.

The three old friends are huddled together at the bar with Kasumi tucked into the far corner, scrolling through her datapad. Ash frowns over a book of cocktail recipes and the dextro liquors with big, red warning labels. Garrus leans on the bar, the new recruit close to him. They're laughing.

"Hey Shepard," says Ash with a small smile. Shepard lifts a hand in greeting.

"Shepard," Garrus turns around, beckoning her. He sounds pleased to see her, which makes her feel like shit for all the second-guessing. "I'd like you to meet Tali. Tali, this is my…" He clears his throat. "This is Shepard."

Tali gestures to her facemask and then to Shepard, like a salute. She's a curvy female with a lilting accent modulated by her helmet and Shepard's translator. "I've heard a lot about you."

"Already?" Shepard slips a proprietary arm around Garrus' waist. He glances down at her with a bemused expression. "He's been excited to see you again."

"He wouldn't shut up about you on our way back," Tali chuckles, nudging Garrus. "I think I know more about you then our mission."

"That's because he wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise," says Ash. She plops a pink and purple striped straw into the dextro cocktail she's created and hands it to Tali. "Let me know if I got it right."

Shepard relaxes, battling an embarrassed blush. He talked about her the whole time. Goddamn, that's good to hear. "Well I don't know enough about you. So fill me in."

Tali explains her role in the fight against Saren and her recent venture on Haestrom. Her voice breaks as she mentions the Quarian soldiers who fell there. Garrus, versed in that type of loss, pats her back. Ash reaches over to squeeze Tali's hand.

It's the longest she's been in Ash's company when the Commander isn't clearing a battlefield of enemies or intoxicated. She reveals a playful, friendly side Shepard hadn't expected. Shepard keeps the conversation going whenever it starts to fade out. She's been in plenty of group settings. Though most of them were multiple clients who liked a little socializing before they all fucked her.

Still, maybe Miranda's not far off. She's not bad with people and observing the little nuances. It's not something she meant to hone; it just comes with handling clients who can snap and kill you if you're not vigilant. Maybe she can put it to use, helping Ash instead of messing with her command.

* * *

That night, Shepard curls against Garrus. The blankets are piled atop them and she cuddles into his body heat with a sigh. In the quiet between the two, there are a few topics she could address. But most of them are still half-formed. Unready to be said aloud.

"Hey…" She decides on the one she knows the answer to. For starters. "Were you ever jealous? When we were a thing on Omega and I was still working?"

Garrus shifts to his side to face her, stroking her bare shoulder. "Well…I wasn't sure at first if we were a thing. I couldn't put a claim on you."

"Yeah, but we started fucking pretty regularly." So much so that Garrus' squad members had banished them to the 2nd floor of the base. The memory is a good one. It doesn't give her the usual bitter sorrow when she thinks of the squad.

"True." His mandibles flare out. "No, I wouldn't say I was jealous. It was your job, not another…whatever I was. Am." He looks away.

Shepard sits up, balancing on the edge of the cot. "…Garrus, what do you think we are?"

"I'm…" He sits up too, rubbing the back of his head. The blankets pool around their waists, her knees touching his rough shins. "I'm not sure. And to be honest, a little afraid to answer in case it doesn't match what you think we are." His shoulders hunch up.

Shepard sighs, Rubs her forehead. It's one of the questions she hadn't thought ready yet. Her mouth likes to act before her brain can slow her. "All cards on the table? I love you. You know that already. And I know things are never permanent but…" She looks at him. "I'd like to stay with you till someone decides to bump me off."

He starts to speak and she puts her fingers to his mouth, stilling his words. "But I get it if you want someone more like you. Another Turian. Or Tali even."

"Tali?" Garrus frowns against her touch, taking hold of her wrist. "Tali is like a sister to me, Shepard. Believe me, there's nothing going on."

"Still." She gestures to herself. The words stick in her throat but there's no going back. They need to get out. "You said you didn't have an alien fetish. So if you'd rather find something more traditional, I'll try to respect your wishes."

Garrus says nothing as his gaze sweeps over her. She fidgets under his scrutiny. "…What about you Shepard? I've wondered if…you really want to tie yourself to me. There are plenty of good Humans or Asari out there. You and Jacob get along well."

"Jacob." Shepard repeats, stunned. "Jacob Taylor? He and I have nothing in common."

"My point is the same as yours." Garrus puts a hand atop her head and lets his claws sift through her hair. "…I want you to stay with me, Shepard. And that's terrifying."

Shepard snorts, masking the rush of emotion with a smile. "Well that's real flattering, Vakarian."

"I'm serious." Garrus cups her cheek, his thumb stroking beneath her eye. He leans forward and she closes her eyes, focusing on the sensation of his touch. "Shepard, I love you. But I don't want to bind you to me if you can find something better. I don't have a lot I can offer you."

"Fuck, Garrus." Her heart slides up her throat. "You have plenty more than I can offer you. But I…oh hell." She pulls away, shaking her head. "We're just gonna go in circles. Insisting that the other is too good for this relationship."

"I'll still argue that you are." Garrus chuckles and the sound lifts the heavy feeling from her chest. "And I'm still going to insist that you may want to think about this. Because once I have you…" He slips his arms around her and nuzzles her cheek. "I'm not letting go."

"Then don't." Shepard puts her arms around his neck, sliding into his lap. "Because I'm not letting go either."

Garrus kisses her, fitting her against him. It feels like they were meant to clasp together. It feels like she can't get close enough, never mind that neither are wearing clothes to get in the way.

He pins her beneath her, attending to every bit of her till she's slick and ready. The blankets keep obstructing them. Garrus scoops her up with one arm and knocks them to the ground.

"…Did I mention that it's really hot to see how strong you are?" Shepard asks, swallowing.

"You might have." He puts her back down, rubbing his scarred mandible against her breasts. "Feel free to repeat it often."

Shepard grasps his hips and jerks him toward her. They come together with ease, gripping each other tight. He takes his time even then, pairing long strokes with the slow caresses of his hands and his tongue. She's very good at fucking and being fucked. But has to concede that he might be a hair better at making love.

Not that she'll ever tell him.

Garrus continues his long, exquisite campaign. Every inch of her is aware—from her rosy, erect nipples to the goosebumps prickling her skin. She tries to caress his sensitive waist and fringe, he pins her wrists down. She arches up to meet him, increasing the pace of her hips. He sticks to his torturous rhythm.

She doesn't hold back when she comes, uttering her release in long, loud moan. He kisses her hard, teeth grazing her lips as he lets himself spill into her, his heart erratic against hers. Shepard frees her hands to clutch his shoulders, keeping their heartbeats close to one another.

They're too hot afterwards to retrieve the blankets. Shepard sprawls out on the cot, head resting on Garrus' knee as he plays with her hair. Preening's the better word for it.

"You never mentioned a label for us, Shepard." Garrus says, rubbing the pads of thumbs into her scalp. The blunted claws allow him to do it without stabbing her. "Most Turians don't use any terms till ah…bond mate."

"Little early for that," she says, reaching across to pat his knee. "There is something." Her cheeks burn as her eyes cast down. "Boyfriend."

"Hm…I like that," he purrs, flashing his teeth. "Say it again."

"…You liar, you knew that was a term." She starts to sit up and he puts a hand on her shoulder, pressing her back down. "You just wanted me to say it first."

"Maybe. Who's to say? But back to that boyfriend thing-"

She closes her eyes. "Goodnight."

He sighs and gets up, shifting her over so he can lie beside her. It's a tight fit and she's slow in accommodating him. Moving is worth it though, when he's wrapping an arm around her waist. "Goodnight girlfriend."

Shepard laughs. "Goodnight boyfriend."

The air between them feels cleared. Opened. It should give her the strength to ask about his past, his state of mind, Sidonis. But this time, her mouth listens to her brain. The questions aren't ready yet.

She hopes they are before it's too late to ask them.


	7. Chapter 7

Author Note: Double chapter update time. Loving everyone's feedback, thank you a million!

* * *

Shepard knows about righteous revenge. She's played a Krogan client for payback-worthy intel and later killed him because he hurt Garrus. She's declared war on the Omega Merc gangs for killing ten innocent men who'd treated her like an actual person. (Even that Batarian asshole Erash, who'd stopped his smart remarks after she near broke herself getting back at Garm.)

It's…different when it's not her cause. Some are fine. It's no hardship, taking down Donovan Hock. Hearing the way Kasumi talks about Keiji is plenty motivation. Shepard takes pleasure in strolling round the bastard's party, disarming his security system. A sway of her hips and a pointed smirk distract him enough while Ash and Kasumi search his quarters. Between the three of them they get the graybox, they take the bastard down and they get the hell out.

And planting a bomb in the facility that fucked Jack up is exhilarating. Hell, if she could find the Vorcha who killed her makeshift family, she'd ask Ash to help her blow them up too. It's a damn good feeling.

Then it's Zaeed's turn and Shepard is ready. The target put a bullet in Zaeed's head. These aren't the same Blue Suns from Omega but they still inspire a certain fury in her. There's no reason to hesitate.

Then the situation shifts. Zaeed bashes open a pipe at the refinery the bastard's located in to get to Vido. It also causes the place to set fire. They have a choice—save the factory workers or continue after Vido. Ash gives Zaeed a good sock in the jaw and orders them to go after the workers.

"Let these people burn!" Zaeed yells. "Vido dies, whatever the cost." He's been planning this for the past twenty years. Shepard's found him many times, passed out in their living room with maps out, tracking Vido's movements. Seen him go off to find him and come back, having just missed the bastard. This is the closest he's ever been to revenge.

"I gave you an order," says Ash, eyes narrowing. "Those people have a time limit, Vido doesn't. Move out."

"The hell I will." Zaeed growls, reaching for his gun. He doesn't flinch as the barrel of the Commander's gun rises to meet his. Neither lower their weapons. Shepard's chest constricts and she realizes with cold, awful dread that if Zaeed doesn't stand down, Ash will make him. He's got experience but the Commander is fast and has taken down more fearsome foes than him.

Shepard acts before she loses one or both of them. She puts herself between the two, wrapping her hand around Zaeed's gun. He flinches, lips curling. "What are you doing, Girlie?"

"Look. Look." Shepard hopes her obstruction is enough to stop a firefight. "I've got a cloaking device and I can avoid being seen. We'll go in towards the workers and I'll double back to get Vido."

"No," says Ash, her voice cold. "You can't take them on your own and I'm not sending you into a would-be suicide mission."

Zaeed says nothing. When she'll think back on it later, Shepard will wonder if it would've killed him to be more concerned about her safety than Vido.

"They'll focus their firepower on you two. They won't even know I'm there." Shepard's hand shakes a little on Zaeed's gun. "Or don't do it. Kill each other." She glares at Zaeed. "Is that what you really want, Zaeed? Because this is fucked up."

He growls and wrenches the gun from her, shoving it back into its holster. She turns round, facing the anger and displeasure on Ash's features. Shepard's done it again, but isn't as sorry as she should be.

"…Fine. You will keep in contact and stay out of sight. Do you understand?"

"I understand," says Shepard. She glances at Zaeed. "I'll get him."

"You'd better," Zaeed nods. "Because this sounds like a bad idea." But there's a hint of a smile on his mouth.

"We're discussing this later, Shepard," Ash promises/threatens. She motions for them to get going. Shepard will worry about the repercussions once this is over.

It goes well till the Suns twig to the fact that one of the invading squad is missing. Shepard alternates between rushing through the refinery and staying unseen while the cloak recharges. Fear of discovery keeps the adrenaline thick in her veins. What saves her is that Ash and Zaeed are powerhouses, requiring the attention of most of Vido's forces. When Shepard does fight, it's nothing she can't handle.

It gets close though. These are tough bastards and it's been a while since the marathon days of her and Garrus against dozens. Exhaustion is creeping in near the end, wrapping around her brain with its smoke and fog.

The higher power she sometimes believes in shines on her. The only thing between her and Vido is a guard, a shuttle and its pilot. The cloak lets her line up a shot to the take out the guard. Vido starts to run and the pilot reaches for a gun. She hits Vido in the back of his knee, dodges a bullet, reloads and takes out the pilot.

"You don't want to do this," Vido says as she stalks towards him. Presses a knee to his lower back and keeps him down while she removes and disarms his weapons. "We can work something out."

"It's not me you should be pleading to," she sneers. But as the minutes pass, as she keeps this cretin in one spot, the heat of battle fades with her motivational fury. He's just a stupid, helpless man waiting for the end. At least Garm and Donovan Hock were armed.

Zaeed arrives not soon enough, reloading his gun as he and Ash step towards them. Shepard's got her pistol to Vido's head in case he tries anything.

"Good work, Girlie," says Zaeed.

"Zaeed," Vido pleads. Shepard half-expects him to piss his pants. "It was just business. You understand. It was just business."

"Fucking beautiful symmetry, isn't it?" Zaeed crouches down, pushing Shepard's gun aside to make room for his. "You had me held down and put a bullet in my brain. Though it took ten of your lackeys to keep me helpless. Think you'll survive like I did?"

Shepard feels a sudden, powerful wave of nausea. "Zaeed…"

Ash steps forward. "Massani don't-"

Zaeed fires and Shepard jerks away, shutting her eyes. Feels the spatter on her face and knows she'll see it on her armor when she looks down. She doesn't feel exalted or cathartic. She feels sick. She feels as vacant as the corpse under her knee.

"We're done here," says Zaeed, standing up. Glancing between the two women.

"For the moment," says Ash, disgust evident in her tone. "We'll discuss this in the shuttle."

"Whatever you want," says Zaeed, complacent now that his revenge was complete.

Shepard says nothing. Has no fucking idea what she can say. In the shuttle, Ash reams Zaeed out for letting his grudge get the better of them and forgetting that their mission comes first. Shepard gets off a little easier, probably because she defused the standoff between the other two. Zaeed's confined to his quarters, Shepard's just confined to the Normandy. She doesn't argue.

* * *

After that mission, Shepard checks in with Garrus (busy with calibrations but listens to her account of what happened), takes a long, hot shower and then needs a drink. Maybe two. Or more. If she gets drunk, she trusts this crew not to bother her. Trusts Garrus and Miranda to see she gets to her own bed.

The bar is already occupied with Ash and Tali. Shepard pauses, still unseen through the half-opened doors.

"-listens to her, not me." Ash says, hunched over the bar.

"No," Tali waves a hand. "You're a great Commander. It is an honor to be on your ship, whoever's colors you're flying under."

"I'm a great _soldier_." Ash's voice is tight. "I know how to give orders. Leading is harder. She led me today and I let her."

"Ash…"

"…Sorry Tali." Ash sits up, shaking her head. "I shouldn't dump on you like this."

Shepard wishes she wasn't hearing this. She steps back and lets the doors close. God. She didn't want… No, she can't lie. Shepard likes the power she's finding here, bizarre and terrifying as it seems. If only it hadn't ended in that fucking execution…

She retreats to the Main Battery. Garrus is sifting through his mail and she spots a message from a Solana Vakarian before he makes it disappear. "Back already?"

"Yeah," Shepard says. "Any interesting messages?"

"There was a note from my sister. Are you alright?"

"Tired." She presses her forehead to his chest, leaning against him. "…That mess bothered me more than it should."

"Hm." His hand sifts through her hair and kneads the tense back of her neck. "Better him than the ones he'll hurt later. Some people need to be put down."

"I know." She gathers the strength to step back and stand by her own power. "I know. Just…not like that. It's so fucking awful, when it's in cold blood."

"The only difference from in-battle is the setting." Garrus' voice turns hard. "At least this way, the bastard knew he was getting his comeuppance."

"Is that the Turian way of thinking about it?"

"The Turian way is to submit the traitor to the proper authorities and trust in the system." He leans back against the console. "But I'm not a very good Turian."

"I think you're a good Turian," is her immediate response. Then, "So you would have done the same as Zaeed?"

"No." The answer makes her relax. "I'd make it a clean shot. And he'd never see it coming. The way _they_ never…" He trails off, looking away.

"Garrus." Shepard tilts his face to look at her. His mandibles quiver under her fingers. "Are you looking for him?"

"Yes." His hands curl into fists. "There's been no concrete word yet. But there will be. I won't stop searching."

Garrus disappears a moment, like he did after his squad was slaughtered. She snatches his hand up, squeezing it hard. The pressure on his fingers calls him back to life and he sighs. "You…must be hungry. Let's get our dinner."

"Alright," she agrees. Ready to leave her unease tucked away for later.


	8. Chapter 8

Shepard isn't part of the ground squad for the next two missions—dealing with Jacob's father and Mordin's protégée. Given what happened with Vido and given the number of other squad members Ash can take with her, Shepard's not surprised.

She makes rounds on her downtime. Not to see everyone. She's smart enough to be wary of and avoid the resident Asari Justicar. Thane prefers to keep to himself. Plenty of the Cerberus crew still side-eye her for dating an alien. But she feels the obligation to visit certain squad- and crew-members. The ones that she can't help but think of as _hers._

Zaeed's in a fine mood despite his confinement. They haven't talked much since the Vido incident and they don't talk much now. Daniels is with him, taking a break to hear some of his tales. Shepard doesn't linger to listen; they can hear Grunt getting restless in his room.

Grunt is pacing, unable to calm even with Shepard there. He needs to get to Tuchanka to figure out what's wrong with him. He doesn't say it—he never would—but he wants Shepard to be there with him for whatever happens. She missed her chance to visit Tuchanka with Mordin. This one, she'll fight for.

Jack doesn't feel like chatting. Shepard doesn't push.

Back in the Main Battery, Shepard checks her omni-tool for messages. She'd gotten one a few days prior from Butler's wife, thanking her. She still hasn't replied. It needs a response but she doesn't know what to say and she's on the third try when Garrus returns, restless as Grunt.

"I have a lead Shepard," he says, hands drumming on his console. "This might be it. It won't be very long now."

She goes to him, grabbing his hands to still them. "Where is he?"

"I…I don't know yet. But I'm close. It might be a few hours or a few more days." He frees his hand to cradle it against his visor. "And when I know, nothing will get in my way."

"Right," Shepard nods, mind going to Vido. That's the horrible thing: after everything, she can't class Sidonis with the Blue Suns leader. Cowards like the Turian aren't exactly…evil. Will she hold him down too?

"It's almost over." He bends his face into the crook of her neck. "Then…maybe their spirits can rest."

"Garrus…it is over. We stopped the bad guys, we avenged the team." Her arms slip around his waist.

"Not yet," Garrus shakes his head. "Maybe we accomplished the original goal for Omega. But as long as that traitor lives…it will never be over."

It won't end there either. Not really. The memories will stick close after they bring Sidonis to justice and seep into their dreams. But she recognizes that determination to settle the score. It's been in her and it won't leave till it's spent.

She hopes it doesn't destroy Garrus before it's gone.

"Shepard," EDI interrupts. "My apologies. Operative Lawson would like to see you in her office."

"Thanks EDI." Shepard reaches up to rub Garrus' scar. "I'll be back and we'll eat dinner."

"Sure, Shepard." Garrus nods, eyes unfocused. "See you soon."

* * *

Miranda explains the next mission—going to Illium to protect her sister Oriana. They'll arrive at Nos Astra soon. She could have briefed Shepard in the shuttle but she seems to need someone to listen to her account of the details. Well, Shepard's become a real good listener these days.

When she does leave, she passes the Commander on her way into the office. "Hey," Shepard nods.

"Shepard," Ash nods back. Her tone is all politeness. "Miranda briefed you?"

"Yeah," Shepard leans against the wall. "I've been missing the action."

"You'll get your chance soon. Stick to Miranda's plan and things will go smooth."

Shepard wonders if the Commander meant the implicit warning there. She salutes and moves to the table where Garrus and Tali are attempting Gardner's latest experiment to make dextro paste palatable. She'd hoped that Garrus would have brought their food back to their bunk but she can deal. Tali is fun and full of sly cracks at Garrus' expense.

The two aliens wave Ash over when she leaves Miranda's office. The Commander takes a long look, hesitating and Shepard can't blame her. They're back at odds again and Shepard wishes she could challenge the woman to a spar. Just to get their feelings and aggression out. But she can't challenge her commanding officer the way she does Jacob. Can she?

"You can take my spot Ash," she says, standing. "I need to check my weapons. Besides, you get all their weird inside jokes."

"Not all of them," says Ash, stepping over. "Thanks, but I have rounds to make."

"Make sure you take it easy," says Garrus. "We can't joke with you if you're too tired."

"I'll manage," says Ash. The line of her mouth softens. "Shepard, I'll see you soon for the mission."

"Right, see you soon." Shepard replies and they watch her go. Well, she tried.

* * *

The mission on Illium goes well enough, considering Miranda's contact betraying her. And the revelation that Miranda stands accused of kidnapping. But Ash confesses that if any of her sisters had been in that situation, she'd do the same. Shepard agrees. Miranda's father sounds like a complete and absolute bastard.

It all ends on a good note, with Miranda introducing herself to Oriana. Shepard gets a dumb, happy smile and notices that Ash has the same look. They grin at each other.

Too bad the good feelings don't last. Just a half hour after Shepard returns to the Normandy, chaos breaks loose. With Ash still in Nos Astra visiting Liara, Joker summons Shepard to defuse the argument between Jack and Miranda.

"The cheerleader won't admit what Cerberus did to me was wrong," Jack snarls, throwing Miranda's desk chair across the room.

"It wasn't Cerberus, not really." Miranda lifts her chin, refusing to call on her biotic powers while Jack is surrounded with blue. "But clearly you were a mistake."

"Oh goddamnit," Shepard rubs her forehead. Both of these are ones she considers _hers_, even if she has to share Miranda with Ash. "Miranda why the hell would you bait her? You saw what that Cerberus facility did to those kids." Miranda's eyes narrow and she starts to protest but Shepard lifts a hand. "I don't give a shit if it was a rogue cell."

Jack laughs and Shepard rounds on her. "And you—look, everyone has their shit. Even her. Cerberus has been there for her. Of course she's going to defend them!"

Jack scowls. "Whatever shit she's gone through does not the equal what I-"

"So? Just because people haven't gone through the shit I have doesn't mean I can't sympathize. I mean…fuck, Jack."

"Yeah?" Jack crosses her arms. "And what have you gone through?"

"You have access to Cerberus files, you look it up." Shepard lifts her hands, exasperated, and lets them fall. "Point is, get along and save your anger for the Collectors."

"Right," Jack drawls as Shepard goes to the door. "Because you and the Commander are setting such a great example of getting along. Bravo."

That almost makes her stop but she keeps going till she's back in the Mess Hall, pausing to put her temper back under control. Hell, she's going to have to apologize for that. To both of them. Goddamnit.

Jack isn't emerging from the office either. Shepard doesn't hear anything else being thrown. It might mean they're actually…talking? Or strangling each other. One is as likely as the other. She retreats to the Main Battery.

Garrus is at his console, standing very still.

"…Garrus?"

"I've got him Shepard," he murmurs. "I've finally got him."


	9. Chapter 9

Author Note: And an extra long chapter for you to today my fine readers. Enjoying all your reviews immensely :D

* * *

Garrus requests permission to take care of some business on the Citadel. Shepard realizes he has no intention of asking Ash for help or even telling her what his plans are. And because he's one of the few people Ash does trust, the Commander grants him leave without question.

The Commander isn't squeamish about morally ambiguous missions. Shepard suspects that the parallels between Garrus' and Zaeed's vendettas are what make him secretive. And maybe that's Shepard's fault, for disclosing all that had occurred on Zorya. She debates informing Ash.

Pride, loyalty, and a little stupidity stop Shepard from snitching. Sidonis commited the same crime, with worse repercussions, and now he's got Archangel after him. Because that's exactly who Garrus becomes once the traitor's location is revealed.

And he's got one more mission.

It doesn't go as smoothly as waltzing in and nabbing Sidonis. There's a visit to C-SEC for information; a trip to the warehouses to chat with a Volus; and directions to Fade in the factories with the caveat that he's protected by Blue Suns.

It's always Blue Suns. Always. Damn the late Vido Santiago to hell.

"Garrus," says Shepard as they take a transport to the factory district. "You're sure about this? He was your squadmate."

"Was." Garrus loads a thermal clip into his rifle. "Before he betrayed me. No one else is going to punish him—you know that."

"I know." Citadel space doesn't give a shit about Omega, which is a good thing until you need outside help. "But it's not like taking down Mercs."

"Seems similar enough to me." He looks down at her. "I'm doing this Shepard."

She lets it drop. Leaving him to face this alone is not an option. Especially with the amount of opposition they face in the factory: Mercs and Mechs everywhere. They manage between the two of them—him on sniper duty, her juggling between shooting the Suns and hacking the Mechs—but she wishes Garrus had brought Ash. Battles end in a minute with the Commander clearing the field like a goddamned Krogan.

Fade, or Harkin as Garrus knows him, isn't ready to talk even with his small army mowed down. Snitching on clients is bad for business. A sentiment Shepard can understand—if you're dumb enough to let your clients catch you. Garrus has no sympathy and traps Harkin by the neck between Garrus' foot and the floor.

"A broken neck is also bad for business," Garrus growls. The chill in his voice makes Shepard shiver and step away. Harkin struggles for air and freedom before giving into Garrus' demands. The meeting with Sidonis is set.

Harkin starts to leave, glad to escape with his life. Shaking her head, Shepard backs away till she reaches to the door and then gets out of the room. The sound of a scuffle makes her rush back and find Garrus gripping the other man by the shirt. He shoots Harkin in the kneecap before dropping him. "That will slow you down. Maybe give C-SEC a blood trail to follow."

"Bastard," Harkin growls.

"You're getting off easy," Shepard says, folding her arms. At least Garrus didn't kill the poor bastard. She offers her boyfriend a smile.

He can't return it. Just nods and walks past her.

* * *

Garrus pilots the transport to the Orbital Lounge while Shepard scrolls through her omni-tool. No messages from the Normandy wanting to know their location or what the hell they're doing. "Garrus?"

"Yes?" His eyes don't move from the traffic flow around them. He's tense, like a thermal clip waiting to be shot from a gun.

"…I don't know," She sighs and hunches forward, elbows on her knees. "Does he really deserve this?"

"My men didn't." His voice pitches low, the way it had with Harkin. "Why should he go free while ten good men lie in unmarked graves?"

"What does that make us then? Giving him the same treatment he and the Suns gave the squad?"

His hands tighten on the controls. Shepard's still at a loss interpreting his subvocals but thinks the harsh rumble means irritation. "I told you that I'm doing this. Because the law won't. Why do you keep asking?"

"…I just don't want this to mess you up."

"It won't, Shepard." He spares a glance for her, eyes bright beneath the clicking visor. "Can you trust me?"

"…Yeah. Alright." She nods and he turns back to his driving, satisfied.

They dock and Shepard goes her way, helmeted. It's her job to lure Sidonis over while Garrus lines up the shot. The traitor's never seen Shepard in armor. She bets he was spirited off Omega before word spread that Archangel recruited a hooker to his cause. She wonders if she's even crossed his mind in the months since.

Seeing Sidonis sends a jolt through her. He's hunched on a bench outside the Orbital lounge, pounds thinner than before. On Omega, he'd been all smiles and warm blue eyes. A picture of amiability in a hostile environment.

She waves him over. It's like the spirit has been drained away from him. The barest flicker of light remains in his eyes and every step seems to take all his diminished strength.

"Sidonis?" She asks, pitching her voice low and unrecognizable.

"Don't even say that name aloud. You're the one Fade sent?" He glances around as he speaks.

"Yes." Through the comm. link, Garrus says he's getting the shot lined up. "You've got your affairs in order?"

Sidonis nods, hunched over even when standing. She'd forgotten the color of his clan markings. They're several shades lighter than Vakarian Blue, but similar enough to twist her. "Yeah. Can we go? I…just need to get out of here."

"I got the shot. Step out of the way," Garrus intones. "Quick."

Her legs are rooted to the spot. _Damnit._

"Tell me why." She doesn't disguise her voice. "Why did you betray them?"

His blue eyes go wide and he jerks away. Shepard grabs his arm, yanking him back to her. "Don't move. Right now I'm the only thing standing between you and a bullet to the brain."

"What are you doing?" Garrus demands.

"Shepard?" Sidonis squints at the visor of her helmet. "Then that means…" His eyes sweep up, trying to pick Garrus out from his vantage point.

"Tell me why." Shepard shakes him hard, jerking his attention back to her. "Why the hell did you betray them? Why should I let you live?"

Sidonis gapes and she can hear Garrus growling through the comm. link. The traitor drops his head. "They cornered me. They were going to kill me. I had no choice."

"So his life was worth ten others?" Garrus asks. "That's bullshit."

On this point, Shepard agrees. "So ten men died because you were a fucking coward? Do you have any clue what you've done?"

"I know…" Sidonis' voice breaks and Shepard is pulled back to the memory of Garrus, in pieces in the aftermath of the massacre. Garrus' own voice, flat and dead. "I wake up…and I see their faces. I can't eat. I can't sleep." He looks up again. "You might as well let Garrus shoot me. I'm already a corpse."

"Gladly," says Garrus. "Stand aside, he's made his request."

She can't. The Turian before her is broken. He can't hurt anyone but himself now. "…It's off, Garrus." She says it loud for Sidonis' benefit and releases his arm. "There's nothing left to kill. It's not worth it."

"Shepard," Garrus hisses.

"Thank you," Sidonis begins, cut off when she grabs the front of his shirt and pulls his face whisper-close to hers.

"I want you to go turn yourself in," she tells him. "But first, I want you to say their names."

He stares, a tremor running through him. "I don't-"

"Say the damn names!" Onlookers stare at the Human manhandling a Turian before them. Shepard keeps her attention on Sidonis till he recites the list and chokes at the end. When he's done, she shoves him away. He stumbles into a retreat, glancing back at Shepard a few times before he disappears. Garrus makes a disgusted noise and shuts off the comm. link.

They meet back up at the transport and Garrus is tense from his shoulders to his quick, stiff strides. Both his hands are shaking. "You had no right," he declares. His fingers flex and curl as he looms over her. "You had no right at all."

"You didn't want to do that." Shepard lifts her chin. "Killing an empty shell? That's not justice."

"So he gets to go unpunished? Even if he turns himself in, there's no law that will hold him."

"He's punishing himself." Shepard takes a step forward, her chest brushing his. "Shit. I'm no moral paragon but even I know when something's wrong."

"You don't get to decide that for me, Shepard."

"And you don't get to decide that for Sidonis."

His eyes narrow and she feels like she's shrinking as he regards her. "But everything else you—we've—done is justice? Because you decide that?" He shakes his head, steps away. "I need some space. Tell Ash I'll be back later."

"Garrus-" She reaches for his arm. He shrugs it off and walks away.

* * *

Bitter and pissed, Shepard makes her way back to the Normandy. For most city trips, she likes to wander around the docks. Check out the shops. Get roped into helping someone like that Quarian with a Volus trying to persecute her in the Zakera Wards.

Not now. She doesn't greet anyone when she boards the ship. Just wants to find a quiet place. The Main Battery is out in case Garrus returns and it's the time of day for Jacob's Cargo Hold workout. She ends up going through the doors to Starboard Observation. Figures watching the sky might be soothing. She forgets about Samara.

Well, between sticking to her own squadmates and avoiding the Justicar, she usually forgets Samara. She seems decent. It's just that what Kela and other Asari clients told her about Justicars is damn terrifying. Shepard doesn't trust herself not to offend Samara (and then get killed for it.)

Shepard starts to back away from the meditating Justicar but the blue glow around her is already diminishing. Samara turns her head, expression serene in the dim lighting. "Shepard, isn't it? Do you need something?"

"No, sorry. Forgot you occupying this spot. I'll leave you to it."

"If you would like to use this room, you may." Samara's lips slide into a gentle smile. "I only ask you do not disrupt my meditation."

Declining might be rude. Shepard nods and comes inside, walking heel-toe to keep her footsteps quiet. Her throat feels dry and she clears it, the noise more loud than she wanted. While Samara returns to meditation, Shepard tucks herself into the corner and studies the outside stars.

"You seem troubled," Samara remarks without looking at her.

"I'm fine," Shepard replies, shaking her head. "Really."

"You are wary of me. That is not an uncommon reaction to an Asari Justicar."

"Uh…well, I've been told to make sure never to offend one. A Justicar."

"That is a good rule for dealing with anyone. But be at ease—my code calls for me deal with the wicked. As far as I know, you are not one of them."

Shepard wonders if it's easier, having such a clear-cut view like Samara and Garrus. "You never doubt your code? Even with extenuating circumstances?"

"Never." Samara doesn't hesitate. "There is no room for doubt. If I follow the code, I am just. If I do not, I am unjust."

Shepard can't subscribe to that. There are people who deserve death, sure. Plenty of them. But it seems wrong to apply that to everyone whoever committed a crime. Rehashing it in her mind though, just makes her more bitter.

Shepard mimics Samara's pose and attempts to clear her thoughts. It's relaxing enough that she slips into half-dreams of Sidonis and the bodies of Archangel's squad, of Garrus furious and walking away.

"Shepard? Are you awake?" EDI inquires.

"Huh?" Shepard rubs her face, cleaning up the drool on her chin. Samara is gone. "What?"

"Commander Williams wishes to speak with you in Operative Lawson's office."

"How long was I out?"

"You have been in Starboard Observation for approximately five hours." No wonder she feels stiff. "Please see the Commander at once."

"Coming, coming," she stands, working out the kinks in her shoulder and lower back. This oughta be fun.

* * *

Ash and Miranda wait for her behind the desk. Garrus is there, sitting in the chair facing the two. Shepard stands a little behind him, eyes on the two women. "What is it?"

"I just received this security footage from Councilor Anderson," says Ash, arms folded. Miranda pulls up a holo-image of the Citadel factory district. Shepard watches as she and Garrus appear on it, firing their weapons. "What were you two doing?"

"According to C-SEC, taking down the notorious Fade. I received confirmation that he's in questioning right now," says Garrus. Shepard nods.

"Why?"

Garrus lifts his chin and doesn't lie. "To get to Sidonis."

The Commader hisses between her teeth. Shepard had suspected that Garrus had told the story to Ash. Her reaction and the flash in her eyes verify it. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to stop me."

Ash looks a little stunned. Miranda, who had been fading in the background, leans forward. "So you went after a civilian?"

"Yes." Garrus grips the armrests of his chair.

"How?" Ash makes a motion with her hand, making Miranda step back. "There's no security footage of a Turian being killed. Yet."

"Because he wasn't." His hands jerk and one of the armrests comes off in his grip. "…Sorry Miranda."

Miranda nods, eyes darting to Shepard. Ash's fingers drum against her folded arms. "You should have told me Garrus. I would have helped you find him and take him into custody-"

"I _did_ find him." The determined way he's looking forward and not back at Shepard is starting to grate her. "I was stopped."

There's a tense, long pauses before Miranda speaks up. "Shepard?"

"I stopped him." Shepard mirrors Ash, folding her arms. "Technically, no Citadel law was broken. We even helped them catch a criminal."

"That might be so, but neither of you told me you were getting into that situation. And you should have."

"Then I'm sorry I didn't tell you," says Garrus. "I had my reasons."

"Then you'll understand that I have my reasons to confine you to the ship, Garrus." Ash turns to Shepard. "And you. With an exception."

Shepard frowns. "And that is…?"

"Samara has a mission that requires your brand of talents," says Miranda. She waves a hand, clearing the holo-image from the room. "But before and after we go to Omega, you're similarly confined."

Garrus snaps to his feet fast enough that the three others are caught off guard, jumping at the sudden movement. "Omega? Shepard-"

"I'll do it," says Shepard. Nothing less will distract her from this mess. And the threats on Omega are a lot simpler then the shit she's in now.

"I understand you have enemies there." Ash's words are for Shepard but her eyes are on Garrus, searching his face.

"It's Omega," says Shepard. "Everyone has enemies there."

"Right…You're both dismissed."

Outside the office, Garrus stops. Turns to her. Takes a long look before resting his hands on her shoulder. "…I want to tell you not to go."

"Didn't you get mad at me for doing the same thing?" It comes out angrier than she wants. She wishes she could pluck the words back out of the air, shove them back down her throat.

"On Omega, you asked that I trust you to live and protect yourself." Garrus lets his hands drop, looking away. "And I did. You didn't give me the same courtesy."

"I didn't-damnit, I didn't want you to break!" A few heads in the Mess turn to them. She ignores them, reaching for Garrus' cheek.

"Exactly." He pulls away, leaving her there. Shepard splutters for a reply. She knows she did the right thing. Didn't she?


	10. Chapter 10

Zaeed's the one to see her off. He gives her extra thermal clips and orders to come back alive. Also to not piss off anyone else on Omega. It's a spot of warmth after their recent coolness and makes her feel a little better. She feels better still, when Garrus appears at the last second to hand off an extra medi-gel.

They dock at Omega and Shepard breathes in the familiar, tepid air. The dim lights, the murmur and smells of unwashed masses, the constant hum of music from Afterlife; it's a hefty punch of nostalgia. Tugs at her heartstrings.

"We should see Aria," says Ash, banishing any warm, fuzzy feelings.

"Fuck," is Shepard's response. The other two look at her and she waves a hand, dismissing the remark.

The Batarian bouncer is the same. If she weren't helmeted, he'd shit his pants seeing the Human he banged once a week in armor alongside _the_ Commander Williams and an Asari Justicar. It's better—for their mission and her safety—for her to go incognito during this first part.

The bodyguards let them into Aria's roost without trouble. Aria herself is unchanged. Her eyes sweep over the trio as she reclines in her usual spot. The ubiquitous datapad is on her lap, filled with open screens and applications.

"The helmet won't hide you Shepard," is her first comment. "I had you tagged the moment you returned to Omega."

"It's not you I'm trying to fool," says Shepard. She takes a step forward, letting her hands rest on her hips. "Good to see you too."

"You two know each other?" Ash looks between the two.

"We've met," says Aria, to which Shepard gives a loud snort. "Justicar. I know why you're here."

"I imagined you would, Aria." At Shepard and Ash's looks, Samara inclines her head. "We too, have met."

"Good. We all know each other. Now ask your questions." Aria frowns. "I have other things to take care of and the last thing I need is a Justicar making the customers nervous."

Shepard knew the mission basics—what an Ardat-Yakshi is, how Samara is connected, what has to be done. She hadn't liked being roped into this once she knew the mission brief. But as they talk to Aria and then to the mother of the Ardat-Yakshi's victim, Shepard's on-board. There are Sidonis' and then there are Garms and maybe it's a bullshit distinction but it makes Shepard feel better.

This Morinth is a Garm. The vids of Nef, so young and vibrant and so goddamned naïve, make that clear. You have to pretty fucking awful to lure away and kill a poor kid like that. If Morinth gets a chance to speak, she doubts the Asari will say anything to change Shepard's mind.

They pass back through the market, past where the Mad Batarian Prophet speaks. His voice rises as he catches sight of Ash; his gesticulations become wilder with a new Human target to rave at.

"Funny thing is…" Shepard says, "Well, two funny things. One is that there used to be a Mission near where he speaks."

This makes Ash pause and give her a long look. "You went?"

"Sometimes. It was a safe place for a kid like me. And comforting."

"I…huh. I wouldn't have suspected you to be religious."

"I'm not really." Shepard shakes her head with a shrug. Samara spares them a glance before moving forward, her pace slowing so they don't lose her. "The place didn't last long for me to get really into it. I don't know what I believe...it's just helpful to think that it all means something in the end. You know?"

"I do, actually. I like to think God's watching over us," Ash smiles.

Well hopefully not all the time, considering the nasty stuff Shepard's done. Really, probably not all the time, considering the shit that's been done to her. But she nods in agreement before hurrying after Samara.

"I'll bite," says Ash as they speed walk through the market. "What's the second thing?"

Shepard jerks a thumb back at the prophet. "That guy? Who just said Humans are a disgusting blight? Fucks a Human once a month."

Ash makes a noise in the back of her throat. "Can you imagine?"

"You'd be surprised," says Shepard.

* * *

Samara gives Shepard clear instructions on how to attract Morinth. She listens without comment. Snaring potential fucks is nothing new to her and Morinth's profile matches some Asari Mercs she's known. Hell, it's almost like the old days as she weaves through the crowd. Only difference is that she rarely got into Afterlife's VIP section.

Also, she's got the armor on. Samara insisted it wouldn't hinder catching Morinth's eye. It does throw Shepard off some. Her preferred battle armor for these situations is a black dress and spiked heels.

On the plus side, it shrouds her identity. A former client walks right past her, unused to seeing Shepard dressed for war. Shepard circles, gleaning the latest club trends, getting a reporter out of a bad situation, stopping an asshole Turian from accosting a dancer. It's not long before her actions draw Morinth out.

"I've been watching you," she says. Everything about her is liquid, from the husky purr to the way her blithe form seems poured into her bodysuit. A fire starts in Shepard's belly. Calling an image of Nef to mind puts it out. "Come sit with me."

"Love to." Shepard follows the Asari and they slide into a private booth. Shepard brings up the vids and drugs Morinth had used to beguile Nef, framing them as her own interests. She keeps her posture forward, eyes locked on her target as they chat.

There's a darkness behind Morinth's eyes that sends cold dread through Shepard. It's not enough to counter what the Asari stirs in her though, as Morinth draws her foot down Shepard's leg, strokes her gloved hand. Shepard knows the tricks. She's used them. But she finds herself wanting to haul Morinth to a dark corner. Where do the Ardat-Yakshi enticements end and where does Shepard's libido begin?

_Nef_, she tells herself. And for extra measure: _Garrus._

"My apartment is nearby," says Morinth. "I want you alone."

Relief and unease barrage Shepard as she stands. She takes her time, arching her back in a long stretch before leaning in. "We better hurry. There might be some dark alleys between here and there and I'm impatient."

Morinth's dark eyes seem to pulse with hunger. "Will you ravish me then?"

"It's a possibility." Shepard mirrors the Asari's expression and Morinth's lust grows at the reflection of her hunger. "We'll see who ravishes who first."

Morinth can't get her back fast enough. The apartment isn't far but Shepard's not sure if Samara follows them. The Justicar winked out of sight the moment Shepard had entered the club.

After dragging her into the apartment, Morinth is ready to devour her. Literally. Shepard struggles against the compulsion and murmurs. "Let me slip this armor off. It isn't good for the mood."

"Don't keep me waiting," Morinth replies, running a hand down Shepard's chestplate.

"Maybe I will, maybe I won't." The line's a shitty one but her brain is half-puddle. Morinth's pull weakens when Shepard gets away from her and into the bathroom.

It's still strong enough though, that she's undoing the armor clasps fast as she can. The undersuit is tight and black, showing the deliberate movements of Shepard's hips as she emerges. The effect is lacking without heels but Morinth doesn't seem to care.

"Come here," the Asari orders and Shepard obeys, sitting on the couch beside her.

"This is the best part," Morinth murmurs, tracing Shepard's jaw. "The anticipation. Now…look into my eyes and tell me you'll do whatever I want."

Shepard's eyes are pulled to Morinth's. Her dark eyes have turned liquid and bottomless. She's felt the touch of an Asari mind before. This time, it's like a black hole grazing the edges of her soul. Summoning it into it gaping jaws, to relax in the embrace of death like all the others.

Shepard's hands feel like sludge as they grab Morinth's wrist, the sensation of touch disconnected from her mind. She thinks she's squeezing. "You've picked the wrong victim, Morinth."

"What?" The Asari sneers and Shepard feels the veil lifting. "I see. The bitch has found herself a helper."

Samara makes her entrance. As mother and daughter battle and feeling returns to Shepard, she starts to back away. She has no place in this.

The other two have different ideas. They reach a standoff, their powers battling for dominance in a whirlwind of biotic energy. Samara and Morinth are evenly matched, every bit of them straining for victory.

"Shepard!" Samara calls, desperation in her voice. "Let's end this!"

"I'm as strong as she is. Let me join you," Morinth pleads. She just wants to live. How can Shepard blame her for that? But her eyes betray the satisfaction of imminent victory. None of her other victims resisted. Why would Shepard?

Shepard charges, grabbing Morinth's arm and yanking it behind her. A moment later, Samara's blast takes the Ardat-Yakshi down. There's no triumph on Samara's face as she finishes off her daughter. That fact eases any revulsion Shepard might feel.

"…I am ready to leave this place and move on. Shall we go?" The Justicar turns to Shepard, checking her eyes. Shepard's vision is still a little cloudy. Maybe Samara sees the glaze.

"Are you going to be okay?" Shepard steps over to her.

Samara glances back at Morinth's prone body. "I just killed the wisest and bravest of my daughters. There are…no words. Please, let us leave."

"Alright." Shepard pats the woman's arm once before drawing back. "Let's go."

* * *

"While you to go back to the ship…there's somewhere I'd like to visit." Shepard says as they meet Ash outside the apartments. Morinth had a couple of hired muscle on guard duty but Ash disposed of them without trouble.

"You've been confined to the ship excepting this mission," Ash reminds her.

"I know," says Shepard. "But…please. Omega's a shithole, but it's my home."

The Commander glances around the dirty streets before turning back to Shepard. Studies her. "…One hour. If you're not back by then, you'll get left behind."

"Aye aye." Shepard throws in a salute for good measure.

The paths of Omega are unchanged, down to the last grimy trashcan. If Kela's still alive or around, her apartment's not far from Morinth's. Not that she wants to go visiting old clients-turned-enemies. Shepard could get to her own place in fifteen minutes and linger there.

The destination she decides on is Garrus' first base. When she saw it last, the squad's bodies were lain out before it as a warning. Now, the front building is covered with piles of junk. No…not junk, she realizes when she gets closer. Offerings. Synthetic white flowers in bunches and wreathes and cheap vases. Tiny figurines of the Asari Goddess, Batarian deities, Christian crosses, serene Buddhas, Turian spirit altars. Hundreds of notes and letters thanking Archangel and his men.

Shepard kneels before the gifts, stroking the cloth roses on a wreath. Aria allows this to go on, for the same reason she allowed Archangel and his squad to exist. Whatever that might be.

Hope, Shepard decides at last. The Mercs need to feel powerful and know Aria would let them kill Archangel. Everyone else needs to know that Aria would let them have a champion in the first place. And when the heroes die, it isn't Aria's fault. It's the Mercs.

That's the thing she keeps losing sight of. All this shit—Vido, Morinth, Sidonis—it's so they can go after the Collectors. Give hope and safety to the whole galaxy. Never mind that the galaxy's ignorant of the threat and never gives her anything back.

…No. That's not true. It gave her Zaeed and Garrus and Ash and the rest. For all that, she owes it to the galaxy to be it's big goddamned hero.

Shepard stands and leaves the block. Only for a few minutes, till she finds someone with the items she needs. She returns and enters the building, going through the familiar passages and staircases. To the door where Sidonis often stood guard. Into the loft where she and Garrus first…(fucked? Made love?)

It's filthy but someone's cleaned up the gore that sickened her the last time she came. Shepard overlooks the remaining stains. She climbs up to the window ledge where Erash often perched and hacked Blue Suns servers undetected. One of her white flowers goes there.

The rest but one she leaves in the center of the room. That last cloth rose goes upstairs in the shooting range with its sloppy bullseyes and paint clip spatters. For Garrus.

It's a sappy, probably dumb sentiment. And if anyone caught her at it she'd be embarrassed beyond anything. But it feels right to do since the ten bodies are lost to them. Aria might know where the corpses are but Shepard's wary of further business dealings with her. Maybe Ash can get it out of her, if Garrus wants to know the truth.

Her hour is almost up. This will probably be her last visit here. She lingers, soaking the image of the room into her mind

"Safe journey," she murmurs to the room. If Turians are right about spirits, they have to be released by now. To whatever heaven might exist. It's time to focus on the living: her Commander, her squad and crew, her galaxy.

Time to have a talk with her boyfriend.


	11. Chapter 11

Author Note: Another helping of double chapters, just for you my lovely reader.

* * *

Garrus is in the Cargo Hold when she finds him, sliding through a series of combat moves like some perforn dance routines. His body is intent on the pattern. His mind is star systems away. She watches him a few minutes before he notices her; still unwashed and clad in her armor undersuit.

He stops, rubbing his face with a white towel. It rests on his shoulders after, the color stark against his bare chest. "When Ash came back with just Samara…" He says, "I wondered if you were leaving us. I wouldn't blame you, I said some harsh things."

"I wouldn't leave. I just had some things to take care of." She lifts an eyebrow. "You think I'm gone so your reaction is to come down here?"

"I trusted that you'd come back."

She winces, recalling how trust factored into their last conversation. After the mission and the visit to the base, she just wants to collapse on him. Grip him tight. That's not an option with this ugly mess hanging between them.

"So, can we talk?" Shepard asks.

"Yes," Garrus replies, sitting down on one of the crates. "We can talk."

She stands before him, knees almost brushing his. Her hands rest on her waist, then dangle by her hips and then tuck under her arms. "Okay. Look, I…I'm not an expert on right and wrong. Maybe it's all relative. But that situation…"

"Where do you draw the line, Shepard?" He looks up at her. His visor is on the side of the room with his shirt and the power of his full gaze is unbalancing. "I honestly want to know. There are some days I think I have you figured out. And then…"

If he knew how often she'd thought the same about him… "Hell, I don't know. It's more gut than anything. Nothing's black and white to me."

Garrus leans on his hands, claws drumming against the crate. "I'd prefer if things were always black and white. I…used to believe that most people were good. That C-SEC and the government and the military were all good people taking care of the bad guys. That didn't last long after I joined the force."

She can't relate to that feeling and maybe that's the difference—she'd always seen the world as people fighting through the galaxy's food chain. Some people survived and got to keep their soul. Most didn't have the luxury.

"It doesn't matter if there's law," Garrus continues. "It's always the powerful taking advantage of the weak. Exploiting the law that was supposed to stop them, to keep me from changing things on the Citadel. But on Omega…"

"No one would stop you from making a difference once you got Aria's okay." Shepard nods. "And you did that."

"For a short time at least." Garrus sighs, shoulders heaving with the sound. "And there I was, about to attack a weak man and acting like the ones I hunted. Am I any different in your view?"

"What? Of course you are." Shepard cups Garrus's cheeks and makes him look at her. His legs part so she can stand closer, between his knees "You're not like the bastards you've taken down. I mean…shit. I've been there. Letting revenge get the better of me. And you…you never stopped me."

"Garm wasn't Sidonis." Garrus touches the backs of her hands. "It wasn't so much that you stopped me that angered me. I was…mad at myself for trying to make you do something that was wrong. And mad at you for not trusting me. You've been worrying about me long before this mess."

"…Guilty. Alright." She sighs. "You…really freaked me out for awhile after they died. And I know that it's normal to grieve and all but I'm not used to seeing it. I…was scared I wouldn't get you back again."

He slips his arms around her waist, drawing her closer. "I'm not going anywhere. I have you to come back to." He leans his forehead against her stomach and she spreads her fingers over his fringe. Rubs the back of his neck and sighs as he nuzzles her through the suit.

"…You weren't wrong." Garrus murmurs. "I…will never forgive Sidonis. But maybe there is some good left in him."

She bows her head towards him. "And I'm sorry I didn't trust you. Are we going to be okay?"

He rests his hands on her hips. "We'll be okay. I told you I wasn't letting go of you."

"Still want to keep me?" She chuckles. "I'm a lot of trouble."

His hands slide down to her thighs and he positions her to sit on his leg, cradled against him. "Do you see me letting go?"

"Not yet." Shepard presses into his warm chest, running a hand over his plates. He's more comfortable than any blanket or bed. "But there's time to bolt before the Omega-4 Relay."

"I'll never bolt." Garrus touches her cheek, brushing his forehead to hers. "When the time comes, we'll run into that Collector base together."

Her heart feels light as she kisses his mandible. "And we'll get out again. If I have to drag you back to the ship myself."

"Always saving me from the brink." Garrus grins. "You're a regular hero, Shepard."

She finds herself blushing at the title. He stares at her pink cheeks and starts to make comment. She shuts him up with a kiss, pressing him down onto the crate.

* * *

The agenda is, now that they've taken care of the time-sensitive missions, to bring Grunt to Tuchanka. A message from a Turian patrol changes plans and Shepard ends up on a Collector ship with Ash and Thane.

Amidst fighting for their lives, it's a good learning experience. Ash discovers that the Collectors were once Protheans. (Why this affects the Commander so much, Shepard doesn't know.) Shepard's reminded that there's an enemy out there she feels no pity for. They all scan and pilfer new, kickass weapon models.

Almost worth the fucking horrifying sights of those goddamned monsters and the nightmares they're sure to bring.

"Should've gone to Tuchanka," says Ash during a short respite. Thane darts on ahead, scouting the next area. "At least there are a couple of friendly faces there."

"Always wondered," Shepard replies as she reloads her assault rifle. "How'd you end up with so many non-Alliance squad members the first go-round?"

Ash cocks her shotgun. "When the Council shut me down for accusing Saren, I needed all the resources I could get. I never expected they'd end up my friends."

"It obviously helped against Saren-"

"Husks!" Thane announces moments before the hoard rushes into the room.

"Big help. Start shooting," Ash commands before vaulting over their barricade to shove the butt of her shotgun into a Husk charging Shepard.

Shepard is so fucking relieved when the mission is over. Not just because they escaped or because Grunt needs to get to Tuchanka or because she's jealous that Thane can just dodge those Husks like nothing. But because she swears that when Harbinger taunts and targets Ash…she swears that once his sonorous voice hisses her name too.

She doesn't sleep well between the Collector ship and Tuchanka. Too many nightmares clawing at her brain and not enough room on the cot for her tossing and turning. The only thing that helps is when Garrus sits up and insists she lay her head in his lap. His fingers stroking her hair soothe her into a doze.

Tuchanka's what the vids promised—lots of smells and piles of trash and rusting structures. It's also got Ash's old squadmate Urdnot Wrex to welcome the Commander and explain what has Grunt so wound up. Puberty, of all things.

They're directed to the shaman who gives Grunt permission to complete a rite of passage. Especially after Shepard makes another Krogan clan leader back down from protesting Grunt's ceremony. She forgot how hard it hurts when you headbutt a Krogan.

When they step away from the clan, Ash says. "None of us have biotic power and we're sure to need it. Shepard, I'm going to need you to switch out-"

"No," says Grunt.

He steps in, standing nose to snout with Ash. Shakes his head. The Commander keeps her ground, the only change a flash of anger in her eyes. Grunt grins, delighted to see his Commander's war face.

"Shepard," he continues, "is my krantt. She comes along."

They're both lucky that the other Krogan aren't overhearing this or Ash would be doubly pissed. Shepard's trying not to smile because she didn't ask for him to insist on her presence but damnit, she's kinda touched.

"We three have this Ash," she says. "Plenty of force with all our skills combined. Don't switch me out."

When Grunt steps back, it's Shepard who receives the full force of the Commander's staredown. She knows that Ash can kick her ass or space her or both. But Grunt needs her and it's not something Shepard will compromise on.

"The three us will go," Ash says at last. They embark for the grounds of the rite, neither woman speaking much to each other.

A few hours later they've taken down Varren, Klixen, a fucking Thresher Maw and Gatatog Uvenk. Urdnot Wrex invites them to stay and celebrate but more missions await. Grunt rehashes their triumphs on the shuttle ride back, taking up most of the conversation.

They reach the Normandy. Ash stops them in the airlock, turning to Shepard. "Take a break. Then meet me in the Cargo Bay in your sparring clothes. There's a few things we should discuss."

"Fine by me," says Shepard. Apparently, you _can_ spar out some aggression with your commander.


	12. Chapter 12

Garrus offers to go down with her but Shepard declines. She's not sure what will get settled. Or if anything can be settled. Her and Ash's screwed-up dynamic goes far beyond the minor confrontation with Grunt (which was nothing but a final straw for the Commander). This little showdown should be between them only.

The Commander's waiting, clad in a light gray tank and blue sweats. No Cerberus-issue workout gear for her, like the kind Shepard's wearing. Her own clothing budget's gone to what Cerberus doesn't provide—dresses, make-up and a lot of shoes.

"You're not too tired after the rite?" Ash asks, rolling her shoulders. The woman has an intimidating physique—all toned, hard muscle.

"I'm just fine." Shepard mimics the stretch, feels a satisfying pop of bone. "So do we talk or dance first?"

Ash lifts her fists and crouches into position. Fine by Shepard. She balances on the balls of her feet, shifting back and forth as they circle one another.

Ash swings first; a swift right jab. Shepard ducks aside, bringing up her forearms to block the left cross. During their first matches, Jacob had exploited her weak points till she remembered to keep her guard up. Serves her well now, when she's on the defense. She endures the blows to her guard and dances away from the rest. Her opponent still gets a good shot to Shepard's gut.

Shepard turns with the blow, using the proximity to slam her elbow in the Ash's clavicle. The Commander reels back, lifting her arms to block and counter Shepard's quick succession of punches. Ash pivots her body around, swinging a kick to Shepard's waist. Shepard's hands drop to block it, leaving her face unguarded. Shitty move on her part. Ash's fist connects with her mouth.

Shepard splits blood onto the mats. Ash waits, fists still up.

"That how you'll get me to stop running my mouth?" Shepard asks, wiping her lips with her forearm. "Careful. I know where my lips have been."

"I don't care where they've been," Ash scowls. "And some days, I'd kick it out if I could."

"You won't." Shepard moves in, feinting a punch to the left followed by a right hook that glances off Ash's shoulder. "You won't even kick Jack out and she totaled Miranda's office."

Ash sweeps her leg towards, frowning when her target jumps out of the way. "Jack at least listens."

"I listen plenty. I just-" Ash gets in another solid hit, this time to Shepard's eye and the world spins a second before she can block the other blows.

"You do," says Ash. "To everyone but me."

Shepard gives up on talking so she can concentrate on the fight. Ash's punches hurt like all hell and if Shepard hadn't spent so many years building a high pain tolerance, she'd beg for mercy.

Ash accepts the silence and they continue. The Commander's the better combatant but Shepard's gotten pretty good at dodging and timing her strikes. She's a bruised, bleeding mess when they're done but at least she put up a damn good fight.

They lie on the mats, spent and trying to catch their breaths. Shepard feels like laughing but her ribs ache from the slightest chuckles. She can picture the purple-green bruise forming on her torso.

"…It sucks," says Ash after a while.

"You have to be more specific." Shepard's throat is dry but getting her water bottle requires movement.

"The last big mission, against Saren…it took a while for that crew to trust me too." Ash sighs. "Wrex almost turned on me at one point."

"You did something right. All of 'em—Garrus, Tali, Liara—they love you now."

"Had to earn their trust by helping them all." Ash sits up, wiping the sweat from her brow. Her bottom lip is also split open, matching Shepard's. "It didn't help that I had my own distrust of aliens to work through. I cringe thinking about that."

"Is that why we're doing all these personal missions?" Shepard feels odd, lying prone with Ash sitting. She pushes herself upward and rests her chin on her knees

"It was Miranda's idea to make sure everyone tied up their loose ends. Before our 'Suicide Mission.' But yeah." Ash rubs hard at the dried blood on her chin. "I'm good with missions. You…didn't need that to make them like you."

"Hey…" Shepard shakes her head. "You're damn likable. I like you and you didn't have to do a mission for me."

A small smile touches Ash's mouth. "Thanks."

"I'm serious. And on the battlefield? You know your shit. That's pretty important for the leader of a suicide mission."

"And there you go again." Ash shakes her head, amusement and exasperation mingling in her voice. "_That's_ the kind of thing that makes them all stand behind you. And it's not going to stop anytime soon, is it?"

"…No," Shepard shrugs. "I could say I'll never get in the way again. And I'd try. But I'd still do it and I don't want to lie."

"Alright. Fair enough." Ash looks at her. "So what do we do?"

"You could kick me out. Or put me in the brig. But I'd fight you either way." Shepard grins and a corner of Ash's mouth lifts. "Or we could just try to live with each other till the Collectors are history. I can promise that I'll never betray you. If nothing else, I'm loyal."

"I can live with that." Ash gets to her feet and offers a hand. Shepard clasps it, letting the other woman pull her up. "And reserve the right to yell at you for dumb behavior."

"I think this will be a good reminder for awhile." Shepard taps her right eye. "How bad does it look?"

Ash smirks. "Bad enough to make me feel better."

Shepard laughs. "Guess we oughta go see Chakwas. You've got missions to do."

"We both do." They grin at one another and limp towards the elevator.

* * *

The list of missions before the final assault shrinks. Garrus and Ash defend Tali to the Quarian Migrant Fleet and prevent Thane's son from choosing the criminal path. Then it's Shepard, Ash and Samara off to retrieve the Reaper IFF. They end up returning with a Geth squad member.

The squad and crew are all wary of Legion. They don't expect Ash to take to it or agree to do a mission for it. If it were Shepard, she'd be a little uneasy. Especially with the Geth using Ash's old armor as part of its plating. Then again, the Commander's found a tentative accord with Cerberus. Maybe Legion's not too big a step after that.

Ash and Miranda go with Legion on its mission and then it's time to plan for the suicide mission. As the Commander and Miranda strategize, they're called away to extract the Turian survivors of a shuttle crash. Ash brings the entire squad down with her to better sweep the area.

They split into four teams. Shepard's with Jack and Zaeed. They don't have much luck finding survivors in their assigned location, but the other three teams keep reporting in discoveries. A Turian Fleet ship contacts Ash halfway through, letting her know they're on their way to bring the survivors home.

"I checked the files," says Jack as they trek further into the wooded area. The trees are blue and green, their leaves like tufts of orange fuzz. It's like a bizarre nightmare or a children's story vid. "Zaeed was your pimp?"

"…More or less." Shepard replies. "I kinda drafted him into it."

Zaeed, batting down the brush with his rifle, grunts. "I was the real brains behind the outfit."

"Huh." Jack squints at the shifting trees before them. "Ever fuck each other?"

"Nope." Shepard makes a sharp motion with her hand, dismissing the thought. "Not once. He totally wants me though,"

"Not interested in jailbait," Zaeed gives Shepard a shove. "Reminds me. How old are you, Jack?"

Jack's eyes narrow. "Too young for you."

Zaeed barks with laughter and they press on, passing insults and jokes. They find two Turians, both female, one with a broken leg. The other's bruised and cut up but still insists on helping Shepard support her limping comrade back to the shuttle. Jack and Zaeed stay in front, clearing a path.

"It's just ahead," Shepard assures the two Turians as they near the rendezvous point. "I think you guys are the last two missing."

"I'm just glad we're all alive," the injured one sighs. "I couldn't bare losing any of us."

"Me neither-"

"Shepard?" Miranda's voice crackles over their comm. links. The trees have been wreaking havoc with the signal. "Shepard, report."

"On our way back with the last two like I reported," Shepard replies. "What's wrong?"

"We…just received word from Joker." Underneath the static, Miranda's voice is wavering. "The Collectors attacked the Normandy. The crew is gone."


	13. Chapter 13

Shepard is pissed and ready to charge into the Omega-4 Relay. Ash feels the same—she orders everyone to prepare and recharge. They make for the Collector Base in six hours.

The team files out of the Communications Room. Shepard gives Garrus' hand a hard squeeze as he leaves and she stays behind.

"Hey," she says to Ash, patting her shoulder. "I'm gonna go talk with Zaeed and the rest before I go to Garrus. If you wanted to have some quiet time with him and Tali."

"…Thanks Shepard." Ash says, bracing herself against the conference table. She looks older than before, like the violation of her ship has aged her in the past hour. "We should all say our goodbyes. I have to call my family…and Anderson…"

"Not goodbyes." Shepard shakes her head. "Goodbyes suck. Say…'See you soon.' And add Liara to the list of people to call."

"Really not subtle with the matchmaking, Shepard." Ash says, her laugh tired. "But yeah, her too. Definitely. And…see you soon."

"See you soon," Shepard echoes.

It's a philosophy she takes to heart. There's no dramatic or heartfelt speeches when she visits Zaeed, Grunt, Jack. No hugs either; Zaeed used his only one up when they said goodbye on Omega months ago. Shepard shakes Jacob and Mordin's hands, gives Tali a smile, Joker a gentle pat on the shoulder. Poor guy's been through hell today.

Miranda sees her hesitating outside Starboard Observation and tells her that Thane and Samara are praying together. Best not to disturb them. The two go to Port Observation and share double shots of spiced Asari rum with Kasumi.

None of them are sure what the Asari spices are. Miranda's reading the bottle ingredients aloud to them when Garrus enters the room. He slips his hand around Shepard's waist, squeezing her hip. "Is it alright if I pull you away now?"

"Go ahead," says Miranda. Her expression softens. "You should spend this time together."

"We'll clean up," says Kasumi, her hood tilting back a centimeter. Shepard can see the faintest flash of a wistful gaze. "And then we'll find a way to pass the time."

"You could ask Jacob to demonstrate his push-ups for you again," Miranda deadpans, fighting a smile.

"I think we should do just that," Kasumi laughs. "We'll see you soon Shepard, Garrus."

"See you soon," the couple replies.

Garrus takes her down the Cargo Hold. The armor-customization terminal at the front is booting up. His own armor is on the floor next to it

"What's this?" Shepard motions towards the machine. She hadn't removed her own armor after their return to the empty ship. Hadn't found the time between debriefing and visiting with her squadmates.

"Ah…well…" Garrus clears his throat, rubbing the back of his head. "A while ago you said you wanted to repaint your armor. And then you never did."

"Right." She lets go of his hand to step over to the terminal. Scrolls through the armor customization choices. "Well…you weren't comfortable with, you know. Me copying your blue. So I just never bothered."

"Vakarian Blue. I…should explain." His voice gets quiet. It doesn't prevent her from detecting the anxiety in his voice. "When a Turian…takes a mate, the mate of the lower rank takes on the markings of the clan of the higher-ranking mate. And their colors."

Oh. Ohhh. "So you thought I-"

"Well wearing your partner's colors isn't as a big a step as taking their face markings." Garrus looks ready to melt into the floor. Or run away. "But…it is a definite statement. And I know you didn't know that. I…didn't want you roped into a bigger commitment before-"

"Whoa, whoa." Shepard turns and comes back to him, cupping his face in her palms. "Hey, I get it. Some cross-cultural misunderstandings."

"If…you'd rather wait, knowing the meaning, I understand."

"Wait for what?" She gets on tiptoe to kiss him. Compared to what's coming in five hours, the scariness of this moment is nil. Instead, she feels warm and fuzzy and her damn knees are getting weak. "I…think we both agree that this is a permanent thing. I think so anyway."

"I think so too." His hand curls around the back of her neck, stroking down her spine. "Should I ask you formally?"

"Nah," Shepard grins. "A kiss will do."

He obliges, clasping her armored body to him. She's tilted slightly backwards in his arms, gripping him like a heroine in a romance vid. His hold on her is strong, which is good because her legs don't feel like working.

The damn armor's getting in the way of really feeling him. At least his is-

"Wait," she breaks away as he starts to carry her to the crates. "Why is _your_ armor by the terminal?"

"Ah…" Garrus clears his throat. "Technically I am higher rank. On the ship and in the Hierarchy where you…don't actually have one. A rank, that is."

"Uh huh….and…?"

"But…I don't think of myself as outranking you. Bad Turian and all." He gestures to her armor. "I thought I'd change to the color you have now. We could call it Shepard Silver."

"Oh. Oh fuck." She presses a hand to her eyes, obscuring the hard punch of feelings welling up there. Her heart feels like it's ripping in two. "Goddamnit."

"Shepard?"

She rubs at her eyes, shaking her head. "Fuck, I love you Garrus Vakarian. You know that?"

He drops his mouth to her forehead, her wet cheeks, her lips. Nuzzles her. "I know. I love you too, Shepard."

"Damnit, now I'm a mess." She puts his hand to her armor clasps. "Get me outta this and distract me."

"Yes ma'am." Garrus grins. For a little while, they can pretend their end isn't coming. And that there's a long future for both of them after this.

Shepard prays it's true.

* * *

Her sleep is dreamless and deep, her body shutting down to gather energy for the final push. It's like no time has passed before Garrus is shaking her awake.

"Come on," he murmurs. "It's time."

The mats in the Cargo Hold are serviceable but leave her stiff and cold. Garrus has her undersuit ready and she slips it on, groggy and quiet. EDI informs them that they're about to enter the Omega-4 Relay and the ship starts rocking from the flight. They grip each other, holding their breaths until the Normandy crashes with a hard jolt.

"Shit," Garrus declares. They're both low on the ground, still feeling the tremors of the landing.

"Is anyone hurt? EDI?" Shepard raises her voice. There's no reply. "Shit. EDI?"

"Excuse my delay. No one has been hurt."

"Thank God," Shepard breathes, giving Garrus another relieved hug.

Their armor, painted before Shepard slept, is dry. When they join the others, they get a few smiles and furtive looks at the switched colors. Tali sidles up to Garrus and gives his arm a nudge.

Ash and Miranda explain the plan. The two women will lead a team each—Ash, a small main squad; Miranda, the diversion team. Legion will work through the base's thermal vents to get all of them through.

"We all knew how important this was when we started," says Ash. The squad members stop any fidgeting and murmuring. Her voice is clear and strong in this moment, echoing through the room. "And now that they've taken our crew, we have all the more reason to make them pay."

She turns her gaze across the group, smiling when it lands on Garrus and Tali. "I have faith in all our skills. Let's work together and get this done. Ready team?"

"Fuck yes," says Shepard as the rest chorus their assent. The Collectors' first mistake was entering the Terminus Systems she'd grown up in. Their second was invading Shepard's new home here on the Normandy.

"Then let's move out!" Ash declares and leads them to the airlock.

Garrus has orders to go with Ash, Shepard with Miranda. As they step off the Normandy and onto the base, she grabs the cowl of his armor and yanks him down. Kisses him hard.

"You better come back," she tells him. "That's a fucking order from your girlfriend."

"My girlfriend has a dirty mouth," Garrus says in a low tone. He grins and she does too, despite the setting and the almost immediate echo of gunfire.

"Get out alive and I'll show you just how dirty-"

"Oy, Lovebirds!" Jack calls. "Remember? The Collectors?"

"Yeah yeah! Coming!" She gives Garrus a wink and rushes after Miranda's team.

* * *

There are more squadmates with her team than with Ash's, which is operating like their usual ground squads. More Collectors are sent to deal with the diversion team, lessening the amount obsructing the Commander. Shepard's group doesn't encounter Harbinger though. Which means the bastard's focusing on Ash. And Garrus and Samara with her.

"Who the fuck is breeding all these things?" Jack yells as they push through another wave of enemies. Her voice carries to the back where Shepard's focusing on her sniper rifle. When their shields are down, Collectors die from headshots like everything else.

"Evidence shows Collectors made from Protheans," Mordin calls as he fires. "Cannot be only method. Collectors may breed Collectors. Unsure if reproduction asexual or-"

"Rhetorical question!" Jack groans.

This should be a giant mess. Some of the squadmates have never fought alongside each other because of skill redundancy or temperament. And yet their group is functioning and kicking serious ass. Fucking miraculous.

Shepard peers through her scope. "Scion incoming! Someone stasis that fucker!"

"He isn't in range yet!" Miranda says as she lifts two Collectors into the air and throws them again a wall. They slide down in a heap. "You?"

"Not in mine," Shepard shakes her head. Jacob breaks down another Collector's barrier and she fires a round into its skull. Things seem to be calming down but Scions are tricky bastards.

She peers through her scope again. Shit. "Make that three Scions. Bet we'll be clear for a bit after them."

"Better hope so," says Zaeed, wiping sweat from his eyes. "Getting low on clips."

Two figures blur by the fallen enemy bodies and reappear alongside Zaeed. "Here." Thane offers scavenged clips to the old man while Kasumi disperses hers to Tali and Mordin. "Will this suffice?"

"Yeah," Zaeed nods to the Drell. "Now move your bloomin' arse, Scion's in range."

"You are welcome."

The shockwaves the Scions send out don't reach Shepard's position. Problem is, headshots don't work out with these fuckers. She switches out for the assault rifle and rushes forward. Drops behind a barricade alongside Jacob and opens fire. The combined firepower and biotics drains the team but takes good care of the monsters. Two go down.

"Last one!" Shepard calls. "Come on, let's-"

"_KRROOOGAANNN_!" Grunt roars as he charges the Scion like…well, like a Krogan. She watches with horror and pride as he mauls the bastard. Damn. She almost feels parental.

The team hustles down the cleared path. Miranda leads the way; Shepard, Jacob and Jack on her heels. Another round of Husks appear. They never just assault, they have to climb and creep towards them. Fuckers. One of the flammable ones barrels towards Miranda. She swears and lifts her hands-

-and a biotic shot not from her hands obliterates it first. She looks at Jack, stunned.

"Only one who gets to kill you is me, Cheerleader," Jack sneers.

"Likewise," Miranda counters, smirking as she returns to shooting.


	14. Chapter 14

Author's Note: Approaching the end soon. I'm very glad for all of you who have been enjoying the ride!

* * *

At last they reunite with Ash's squad in a room full of pods. Shepard's seen these things before, in the other run-ins with the Collectors. God, these things…She steps up to one of them, squinting through the foggy glass. Wipes off the condensation.

"…Shit!" Shepard cries out. There's a crewmember inside. And then the pod starts working. Starts _liquefying_ the woman. "Open the pods! Open the fucking pods!"

The squad kicks into a frenzy, smashing open the containers. Yanking each crewmember out before moving onto the next one. Shepard can't hear anything but the satisfying crunch of her rifle slamming into glass after glass.

They come through. The crew is extracted before any other person turns into sludge. The panic clears. Shepard lugs Donnelly to where Daniels is leaning against Tali.

"Sh-Shepard?" Donnelly blinks, half pressed against her as she hauls him across the room. "Is this a dream?"

"Depends." She's weirdly happy to see the engineer alive. To see them all alive. "You dream of me often?"

His face turns red, blending with the roots of his hair. "Oh. Hell."

She grins and helps him sit beside Daniels. Ruffles his hair. "If we get outta this, maybe I'll let you see my tits again."

Daniels snorts. "He'd like that. Actually…" She shrugs. "What the hey, I nearly died. _I'd_ like that."

"Seems like a good welcome back gift for the crew." She stands, looking over the crowd. All saved but the one unfortunate. Lillith, that's her name. Was her name. Fucking Collectors. As if she needed more reasons to destroy them.

Time for Phase Two. Jacob and Mordin are to escort the crew back to the Normandy. Ash will lead a squad down a swarm-heavy path. So heavy that Mordin's counter-measures won't do any good. Samara will provide a biotic shield against the bugs.

"The second team will lead a distraction through the route EDI indicated," says Ash. "Garrus, I want you to lead that team."

He looks surprised, nodding. "Right. I'll do that."

"I know you can lead." Ash nods at her friend. "And I trust you to do it well. Jack, Shepard, you're with me and Samara. The rest go with Garrus. Move out!"

On Horizon, the seeker swarm had been another element to freak Shepard out. Here, the swarm's a thousand times worse. Bugs are disgusting in any incarnation. Collector bugs? Vile. She stays in the center of Samara's barrier.

As expected, there are less enemies with Ash. But too much Harbinger. They keep pausing in their trek to fight off his assaults.

"Goddamnit, this guy doesn't shut up!" Jack curses. She moves to the edge of the barrier and points at the bastard. Fires off a shockwave of biotic energy. "Hey Harbinger! I know you feel _this,_ bitch!"

Ash chokes on a laugh. "Jack, I think I love you."

"Ditto," says Shepard. "Marry us."

Samara grits her teeth. The strain of the barrier shows in her usually serene expression. "I cannot keep this barrier up while you banter!"

"Sorry!" Shepard calls. Right. Less talking, more winning. They get through to the safe area just as Samara's energy is flickering out. Jack adds her juice to the barrier as they sprint for the safe point, shooting and punching their way through the Husks.

"Phew," says Shepard as she catches her breath, gripping her knees. Her heart's still pounding from the last unprotected seconds out there with the swarm. "So now we-"

"-pard! Ash!" Garrus' voice crackles through their comm. links. "We're under heavy fire! Open the door!"

"Fuck!" Shepard rushes to the console with Ash, trying to make sense of the controls. The others use their biotics to attempt forcing the damn things open. They should've brought Tali with them. She'd know how to work this damn thing. They should have…

Shepard heart bursts when the doors creak open. Their squadmates flood in and she can see Garrus, waving them inside. Holding the enemy back while the others escape. Zaeed is with him. Shepard's rushing forward against the tide of their allies. Zaeed backs into the room first. Garrus follows. He's almost safe.

And then he's shot. He stumbles, grasping at the wound. The doors close.

"Garrus!" Her vision goes double and she's seeing him now and him in their old base, gunned down by Tarak. The two images struggle to reconcile into the sight before her. She skids to a stop before Garrus, wrapping her arms around him. Breathing hard.

He lifts his hand from his side. Only thing damaged is the fresh paint job.

"Don't scare me like that!" She gasps, shaking her head. Shaking him.

"Leave him alone, Girlie." Zaeed nudges her aside as he walks past. "Your boyfriend's a damn good squad leader. He's almost good enough for you."

"…Huh." Shepard watches her—God, what title can she give to Zaeed anyway?—watches him saunter over to Jack and Grunt. "Looks like you're approved."

"Almost anyway." Garrus touches her face, tilting it to one side, then the other. Inspecting for damage. "You're okay?"

"Yeah, I-"

"We're splitting up again," Ash announces over the noise. The Collectors are banging hard at the sealed doors. A few dents appear in the metal as they try to punch through. "Garrus, I'm leaving you in charge. Guard our backs as we go in."

This time, he doesn't look so surprised. He lifts his chin, squeezing Shepard's hand tight. "I've got you, Ash."

"I'll take a squad in for the final push. Miranda, Shepard, you're with me."

Shepard _is_ surprised at this. Lot more battle-savvy people on this team than her. But then, Garrus, Jacob and Zaeed have helped her get pretty badass. And Shepard wants to have the Commander's back for this. Wants to be a part of the final strike against these bastards.

"No big speeches," says Ash, climbing onto a ledge. Miranda and Shepard stand beside her. "They will not break through. I know you will refuse to let them because you're all fine soldiers. Every one of you."

"Give 'em hell," Zaeed says, shaking his fist into the air. His gaze locks onto Shepards and she nods, promising to do exactly that.

Shepard memorizes their faces in the last second. No point in denying it—they've all become part of her. Just like the kids on Omega. But she's not losing this group. The squad will take care of the last leg of the journey before the Collectors can get to the team left behind. She hopes.

If Ash is right about God watching over them, now's a good time for him to do it.

* * *

There's a quiet as their platform moves them forward through the base. This is the roughest mission Ash has taken them on. No surprise, considering they keep calling it a Suicide Mission. But Shepard hadn't expected the level of strain. Or the dread. Something big, bad and sickening has to be coming.

"…Silence is driving me crazy," says Shepard. "Let's talk about something. Shoes, guns, our love lives…"

"Soon as we start chit-chatting, the Collectors will interrupt," says Ash.

"This suspense is horrid." Miranda pushes her hair behind her shoulder. "If talking breaks it soon, then let's talk."

"Great." Shepard looks upward. "Let's keep it light if we're going to be disrupted. Topic: shoes."

"Huh." Ash walks to the frontmost wall on their floating platform and kneels into position. "And here I thought you were going to interrogate me about Liara."

"Since you brought it up-"

"Incoming!" Miranda declares. Shepard shrugs at Ash and cocks her rifle.

It's all business now. The only thing that counts is sinking a bullet into the next skull and the one after. Keeping Harbinger back and away from Ash. They move from platform to platform, demolishing their enemies. Urged on by the dire situation they've left their squadmates in.

The contents of the final room don't make sense to her. Not at first. Shepard doesn't have Ash's experience with Reapers. But it doesn't take long for the tubes and EDI's words to make sense.

"Shit," she breathes. "This thing…this thing needs to be destroyed. How do we do it?"

"The large tubes injecting the fluid are a weak structural link," EDI tells them. "Destroying them should cause the Reaper to fall."

"I'm on it!" Shepard takes her position with the sniper rifle. Aims for the first tube." And-…fuck!"

Harbinger and his cronies are back again. Miranda and Ash keep them off Shepard's back as she targets. The satisfaction from earlier of smashing those damned pods open is nothing compared to taking out this abomination. Each direct hit, each crash of glass and liquid feels damn good. She lets out a whoop as the last tube explodes, and the Reaper falls away.

Ash takes out the last Collector and contacts the ground squad. They're all alive though Zaeed's taken a bad hit to the leg, Kasumi to the shoulder. She orders them to the Normandy, Joker to prep the ship. They're going to blow this disgusting base to dust. Joker agrees…and then patches in the Illusive Man.

Shepard's never seen the Cerberus leader before. There's something about his even tone and calm demeanor that puts her on edge. Her unease is validated as the man talks, pushing Ash to keep the base intact. To "use against the Reapers."

Her hands curl into fists. If this guy wasn't a holo, she'd be ready to knock him down. She turns to Ash. Shakes her head and mutters. "Don't you do it."

Ash glances at her, then at their third member. Miranda looks unfocused. As if a lifetime of memories is flashing over her thoughts. She jerks back to reality and regards Ash. Her hand raises and presses over her heart. She gives Ash the minutest of nods.

"No deal," says Ash. The Commander turns away from the Illusive Man and kneels beside the core. "What happened here was heinous. I won't let fear compromise my integrity."

The Illusive Man's holo-image turns to Miranda. Orders her to stop Ash. Miranda refuses. "I gave you an order Miranda," he snaps. Now the calm demeanor falls away. This is the bastard's true nature.

"I noticed." Miranda looks over her squadmates. "Consider this my resignation." She shuts off the holo as he tries to bargain with Ash again.

Shepard sighs. "Thanks Miranda. I…know what Cerberus means to you."

Miranda crouches beside Ash to aid her. "They meant a great deal to me. But in the grand scheme of things…I wouldn't have meant much to them. Not the way I do to this squad."

"Glad to have you on our side, Miranda," says Ash. She finishes programming the core and gets to her feet. "Let's move. We've got ten minutes before the reactor overloads and blows this place apart."

In that moment of relief and near-triumph, the platform starts shaking.

The Reaper is alive.

* * *

The squad rushes for cover, readying their weapons. Ash shouts orders to aim for the thing's glowing eyes. Shepard obliges, pouring her clips into the weak points. It's all white noise in her ears as she works—the gunfire, the mechanical sounds of the Reaper, the racket of the Collector drones.

"Shepard!" Ash exclaims, her voice breaking through the roar. The Commander's aiming her gun at her.

No. Not at her. Behind her. Shepard whips around, dodging to the side as Harbinger brings his fist down where she's crouched.

"We will end you," he snarls. Shepard slaps the command on her omni-tool for an incinerating blast. It hits him in the chest. She leaps to her feet and slams the butt of her rifle into his face and chest. Over and over till he's batted away from her.

"Reaper blast!" Ash calls. Shepard throws herself down to avoid the Reaper's debilitating shot. Harbinger rises before she does, releasing a blast that takes down her shields. Ash fires a round now that Shepard isn't standing between her and the bastard. It connects with Harbinger's torso.

Shepard reaches for her pistol and jumps to her feet. He's too injured to last much longer. And she is not dying here.

"I know you feel this," he hisses. Reaches for her throat. "Shep-"

"Not today fucker!" Shepard empties the clip into his head. Slumps back down behind the barricade as the body falls and Harbinger's spirit flees it. She turns back to the Reaper, grabbing her rifle. Those weak spots are waiting and she's not letting up. None of the team will.

And at last they're rewarded. The Reaper goes down. Only, he doesn't want to go alone. His arm hits the platform as he falls, turning it horizontal. She sees Ash going down. And Shepard, spurred by loyalty and gravity, dives after.

Whatever happens, they can't lose their Commander.

Shepard extends her hand, screaming Ash's name over the roar of destruction. Her commander looks up as she tumbles closer and closer to the edge. Too close. Goddamnit, Shepard's not going to make it.

"Grab hold!" Shepard yells as she skids down. "Grab hold!"

Ash starts to go over the edge. Their hands reach for each other. They clasp.

"Got you!" Shepard declares, pulling up. Ash's heavy armor weighs her down. Pure adrenaline is the only thing that allows Shepard to jerk Ash up till the Commander can haul herself onto the platform. They stare at each other, shocked by their survival.

And then the platforms are tilting again and they're thrown across and the world plummets around them.


	15. Chapter 15

Shepard feels like she's been hit by a rock. And then realizes that's exactly what happened.

She struggles against the debris, leaning on her left hand. Her wrist jolts with sharp, screaming pain. Shit. It's broken. She cradles it to her chest as she rises out of her crouch, the wreckage falling away.

Ash lies prone on the ground near her, arms outstretched and legs in a tangle. An uncomfortable callback to a crucifix. Then Ash groans, proving she hasn't been sacrificed for this mission. Shepard kneels, touching her shoulder. "Ash? Talk to me."

"I'm here." Ash waves a hand and tests each limb, checking for breakage. "What happened? Where's Miranda?"

Shepard's gaze falls on more rubble. At Miranda beneath it. She's not moving.

"Fuck," Shepard breathes, rushing over. Reaching out with both arms to free Miranda and swearing at her useless left hand. Ash steps in and heaves the mess off of their XO.

She's very still. Her face is scraped up and bleeding. Shepard presses her fingers against Miranda's throat. Afraid that she won't feel—there it is. A faint but steady pulse.

"Wake up Miranda," Ash urges, shaking her. "Come on. Come on, we have to get out of here."

Miranda's eyes flutter open. She winces. "Ugh…my head. The platform…"

"Fell." Shepard says, slipping her good arm behind Miranda's shoulders, helping her sit up. "We gotta get the hell outta here. Can you walk?"

"I can run," says Miranda, one hand against her temple. "Just banged my skull a bit."

Shepard stands, careful not to use her bad hand to push up. Her right hand's the dominant one; it will shoot the pistol. And they'll need that firepower because Harbinger's back. The walls shake with his voice as his swarms and his Collectors attack.

They start running.

On the way into this damned place, they had taken down most of the enemies. But Harbinger still has bodies to throw at them. Shepard shoots and incinerates without discretion, ignoring the bastard's taunts. She doesn't give a shit if the Collectors are their genetic destiny—there is nothing right about what they've done here.

Her limbs feel like sludge as she pushes them forward, makes them dodge and duck around enemy fire. Miranda's just behind her, Ash a step ahead. Shepard's face is drenched with sweat. Just a few more steps to Garrus, she tells herself. To home.

She can see the Normandy ahead. Her omni-tool counts down the time. They're going to make it. Shepard swings around to wave Miranda on. A Collector's firing at their heels. Miranda flings her hand back with a biotic charge, the bastard goes flying. The airlock opens and she sees Joker firing off an assault rifle. Ash boosts Miranda up into the ship.

"Up you go!" Ash reaches for Shepard next and half-throws her to safety. More forces have gathered, shooting at the ship with everything they got. Ash turns around, pulling out her shotgun. Starts firing.

"Commander, no!" Joker shouts. Shepard's seen him somber, after their crew was abducted. But she's never seen him so terrified. Never heard him sound so desperate.

"Ash!" Shepard yells, adding her pistol fire to the mix. "Don't be a goddamn hero! Come on!"

Ash disposes of the last Collector and turns around. And then jumps out of the way as the crumbling base knocks away the platforms between her and the Normandy.

"Shit!" Joker cries. Shepard feels her heart has leap into her throat. No no no. She can't lose Ash. They can't lose her.

Ash backs away from them. The explosions are rocking the base to and fro. The Normandy can't remain here much longer. She sinks into a crouch and sprints towards their ship, taking a flying leap into the air.

She's going to make it.

She's not going to make it.

"Biotics!" Shepard yells and Miranda raises her hands, trying to pull their Commander to them. Straining as she pushes her biotics and her body past their limits.

Good thing, that Miranda's perfect. Because that lets Ash grab hold of the ledge. And that gives Miranda the last bits of strength to help Shepard bring Ash inside. Joker lets out a whoop and rushes to the console. EDI counts down. Ten seconds. Nine seconds.

The Normandy soars into the air, leaving the base as it burns. The three stand behind Joker, holding their breath as he tries to outrace the flames obliterating the base. There are others standing outside of the cockpit, watching. Waiting. Shepard's too afraid to look behind in case it jinxes their escape.

They zoom through the relay. Joker lifts his hands in victory. Says loud enough for the crew to hear: "Back in the Terminus Systems, Commander. Mission accomplished."

The ship echoes with jubilant cries. Shepard grins at Ash, giving her a salute. Ash returns the gesture. And then they and Miranda are knocked over by their cheering squadmates. Shepard doesn't know whom she's hugging or being hugged by or who's giving her a big kiss on the cheek. It's the best orgy she's ever been in.

Someone's pulling her by the waist out of the fray. Garrus. He takes one long look at her before kissing her with all the energy left in him. Shepard returns the gesture, blocking out the noise and celebration around them.

* * *

After things have settled, Ash addresses the squad and crew.

"This ship is no longer with Cerberus. In a few hours, we'll be docking at Nos Astra in Illium. Everyone who wants it will have shore leave." Ash sets her hands on her hips. "If you wish to take a shuttle from there, please feel free. All of you originally signed on with Cerberus and I won't keep you here if that's where you want to be.

"But if you want to stay on while we plan our next move, we'd be glad to have you. We can't pay the wages Cerberus did but we'll still pay well and we won't change the way things are run here."

Twelve crewmembers approach Ash and Miranda after. They have families to support or pensions to think of or just need to leave space after their abduction. But each one thanks the Commander and expresses how honored they were to serve her. The rest remain, also taking the time to thank Ash for the rescue. To swear their loyalty to her.

Not everyone takes shore leave once they get to Nos Astra. Some want to sit and recover on their own and take comfort in being back on the ship. The rest flood the docks en masse, putting officials in a slight panic. Ash has to reassure them before they can move on. They don't get far before a familiar face appears, calling out Ash's name.

Liara rushes to Ash, grabbing hold of the Commander's hands. Pressing them to her heart. "You're okay!" She slumps with relief. "Thank the Goddess. It was a success?"

"It was a success," Ash confirms, smiling. She sends an embarrassed glance at the on-looking crew and squad. "All of you can keep walking."

Shepard clears her throat. "Kiss her first!"

"…Shepard," their Commander hisses, cheeks turning red. "Haven't we talked about you trying to take command?"

"Maybe," Shepard shrugs. "Doesn't mean you shouldn't give her a kiss."

"I agree," says Liara with a grave expression and twinkling eyes. "Besides, you did say that Shepard often has good ideas."

"Did she now?" Shepard grins.

"Never you mind," says Ash before turning back to Liara. She sighs. "And alright. It is a good idea."

The crowd whoops and applauds as their Commander kisses Liara. The Nos Astra officials pop up again, telling them to quiet down and keep moving.

* * *

Without Cerberus funding, the trip to the club might've been a pretty dull affair. Good thing Kasumi's been stealing from the organization for a while now. And Liara's done a few favors for the club owners. Information broker business.

"Speaking of," says Ash, as she inspects her large green cocktail. Liara's fiddling with Ash's hair. "I know you two requested a few days off but Liara has some work for us to do while we're making plans."

"Sorry Ash." Shepard leans against Garrus. "Can't you manage without us?"

"I prefer to have a good sharpshooter with me." She sighs. "But after what we've been through…I guess it's alright. As long as it's a few days."

"Don't worry, we'll be back before you know it." Garrus runs his hand down Shepard's arm, eyes focused on her thigh-high boots. He's been squirming since she put them on in the Main Battery. "Ready to get our vacation started, Shepard?"

"Almost." Shepard reaches behind for the zipper of her dress. "I promised the crew a welcome back present."

"A round of drinks on you?"

"Not exactly." Shepard pulls up a chair and stands on it. Lets the dress fall around her ankles.

Ash jumps to her feet. "Shepard what are you-"

"Oi!" Shepard cups her hands around her mouth. "Daniels! Donnelly!" The two engineers—and everyone else—gawk at her. She can see Donnelly turning scarlet.

"Welcome back!" She shouts, flinging her bra into the crowd. They respond with a roar of yelps, whistles and cheers. Ash covers her face, shaking her head.

"Crap. Bouncers." Garrus points. He snatches Shepard up by the waist; throwing her over his shoulder as he retrieves her dress. She waves to the crowd, letting Garrus carry her away.

"What am I going to do with you?" Garrus asks, setting her down well outside the club. A new crowd stops to watch her pull on her dress.

"I have a list," Shepard laughs. "But it should wait till we get to the hotel."

* * *

It's the same hotel as before, with a room almost identical to the first one. This time, they're not exhausted. Garrus throws her onto the soft bed, pinning her beneath him.

"Oh I'm sorry," Shepard blinks. "Did you want to have sex? I don't know…"

"Uh huh." Garrus draws his tongue down her throat to her collarbone. "I don't believe you."

She chuckles and pushes at his shoulder, flipping their positions. "I almost feel guilty. Us being here when Ash has missions to complete."

"There are other squadmates. Not as good as us, but who is?" Garrus pulls her down to him. Strokes the curve of her shoulder "Besides…I have a feeling there will always be plenty of battles for us. We attract trouble."

"Or we are trouble." Shepard relaxes against him and his caress. "Whatever we face…glad you have my back."

He removes his visor, allowing them to look at each other without obstruction. His eyes are really too pretty. Like the rest of him. And he's all hers.

"I'm glad you have mine." His arms squeeze around her. "But that's what I'd expect from my hero."

"Oh don't you dare start that again." She struggles against his grip to loose her arm and swat him. "You're just a big tease."

He chuckles, flashing his teeth. God, his smile makes her feel so happy. He makes her feel so damn right with the world. "Well, show me what you'll do about it."

So Shepard does.

* * *

A/N: And that is the end. I really enjoyed writing these two stories and tackling these characters in a different way. Thank you again everyone who read and commented and favorited!


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